Zora, Cities of Intuition in the Witherings
Late Spring, Atysian Cycle 3, JY 2535
Jeziellia found the Zorai in Zora to be much more kindly than some she'd met on an individual level. Once they had seen that she was not haughty and disparaging of their relationship with the Kami, and wanting to learn, they treated her almost like a curious child. She was shown some of their public archives, and allowed to read their histories, to ask questions, to learn.
While she was studying, she noticed a young Zorai enter and deliver a small box to the senior archive keeper. They spoke briefly and the younger Zorai departed. Later, when Jeziellia returned the scrolls she'd been reading, she asked, "What were those?"
"Knowledge returned on the lost village of He-Lian, from old Zoran." His mask didn't seem to shift at all, but Jeziellia could sense a certain sadness in him.
"May I?"
The Zorai hesitated. His eyes, hidden behind the shadows of his mask, searched hers - she could feel them. After a moment he nodded and handed her the box.
Jeziellia sat down with the scrolls and amber, obviously copies of originals. They were labeled with notes and numbers, for ease of study.
The object was a scroll labeled "Watchtower Journal".
It has become clear that the war against the Kitin does not go well. Even the Fyros fall back on every front and it cannot be long until we too see the Kitin scourge. We can only hope the walls hold and keep them out.
Jeziellia set the scroll aside, frowning slightly and picked up the second item - an ambersphere. Through the ambersphere, images came to Jeziellia's mind. Battle lines and the walls of the village faling to pieces, torn bit by bit under the claws and legs of the kitin. The kitin clambered up and over their dead kin, tearing down the wall and slaying its defenders. A sea of shelled forms spread over the landscape, a sense of hopelessness pervaded the scene. Jeziellia closed her eyes as the images faded and shuddered, putting the amber back in the box.
The next was a letter. Jeziella's frown grew as she read it.
Dearest Daughter, the wall is not going to hold against the Kitin for long. The Kami, Karavan or Tryton may come for us soon and I must stay to repair the warrior's weapons. Hide in the goo, the Kitin will not follow and you will be safe - for now.
Another scroll;
We tried to barricade ourselves in where Atys herself creates walls. They have not breached our barricade, they have tunneled. I hear them scratching beneath us. There isn't much time.
Jeziellia felt a little sick to her stomach and her hand trembled as she lifted the next labeled object from the collection; another ambersphere replica. She held it up, peering inside. The image was crackled. The original must've been damaged. The images were grainy, hard to see, but there was sound. Voices. Chanting, prayers. The visual grew even more difficult to see, but she could hear voices invoking Ma-Duk, Jena, even Atys itself. The only answer came in the shattering of a wooden door. Screams sounded through Jeziellia's mind and the only visuals were blood and then blackness, and a sudden silence.
She closed her eyes, pushing the ambersphere away from her, her free hand covering her mouth. Slowly she opened her eyes. There was only one thing left - another scroll. She unrolled it with care.
The Kitin have not left, but nor will they enter. The goo is affecting our minds. It grows harder to think each day as we slowly go mad. We have... eaten the fallen. Nobody came. Nobody helped us. We are lost.
Jeziellia stared at the scroll for many moments in silence, not even daring to breathe. With practiced care she rolled it up and replaced it with the other informational remnants of the village of He-Lian. She took it to the Zorai and handed it back to him without a word, perfectly composed. She turned and left the building before the Zorai could speak the inquiry reflected in his body language. It was only when she found herself alone, outside and behind the building, that she let herself weep.
[size=-2]Thank you to Kaetemi for posting these tidbits to the Lost Village (an R2 event) thread![/size]
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Moderators: The Soothsayer, Lanist, Xaphon Zessen
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Jeziellia Mara'tyr
Officer, House Etchmarc, Arispotle
Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
[size=-2]OOC: Jeziellia's Journal is OOC knowledge only. Possibilities of reading it IC should be brought to me for discussion. Thank you![/size]
Officer, House Etchmarc, Arispotle
Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
[size=-2]OOC: Jeziellia's Journal is OOC knowledge only. Possibilities of reading it IC should be brought to me for discussion. Thank you![/size]
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Why must men ask only for what I cannot give? Why isn't the part of my heart I can give not enough?
No, it is never enough. I cannot give all of myself to everyone, yet all anyone wants is everything.
"I am all or nothing. You choose nothing."
Who am I to tame the desert?
Why must men ask only for what I cannot give? Why isn't the part of my heart I can give not enough?
No, it is never enough. I cannot give all of myself to everyone, yet all anyone wants is everything.
"I am all or nothing. You choose nothing."
Who am I to tame the desert?
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Medra'Reken Vale, the Old Kingdoms
It is difficult to focus and remember all the things I wished to record, particulary with him sleeping so soundly beside me. I'd much rather watch him sleep, or join him again the that soft embrace, and another.
There have been whispers of war. Not the kitin uprising, but for the Order. This saddens my heart in a way I cannot describe. I have to wonder, then if Valko would keep his word, be unable to strike me if we met on the field. If anyone had asked me just a season ago, I'd have sworn that he would keep that word. Now, I don't know. I still do not believe what people say of him entirely. I know that he is a good homin, I have seen it. It cannot all be the trickery they claim, can it?
Further complicating the matter is that I'm now a High Officer. This complicates many matters, actually. Enon and I had another fight last night over it when I went to search out Emberstorm and Zyquo in Dew Drops. That is where I saw his shade in spring. I did find them. I left them food, water, and a couple clean cloths. I can only guess what happened. If either of them wishes me to know, they will tell me. The only new arising in that regard that worries me is the sudden appearance of "Lord Leonard Shadrisin". We will have to keep a close eye on him. Something feels amiss.
Enon is an Officer now. I'm very pleased.
Our disagreement was ended well.
Jeziellia blushed, and glanced over. Enon was murmuring in his sleep - her name.She reached over and smoothed his hair back from his face before returning to her writing.
If this is what Ema spoke of, then I can understand her a little better. I can only hope that
No, I know it isn't true for her. She's a light spirit, she makes no bonds. I wonder though, with the look that Perun gets when he speaks of her, just what happened between them. I wonder if he will tell her the news that came to me last night. It seems most men think out of their pants. I cannot say I'm disappointed. I am learning that to a degree, this is simply the way that things are and it is to be expected.
Now, how to ask him if he needs any help without seeming like I'm spying on his life. I honestly did not look for what I know this time. Do I tell Ema? Would she even care one way or another?
Those are not worries for today, however. My skin still warms when I look at him lying there. Perhaps now I've seen him as honest any homin can ever be, driven by something that isn't ruled by the mind, but something more instinctual, less complicated. I wonder how he sees me now, as well. I know that my eyes see a little differently this morning.
Thank you, Enon.
It is difficult to focus and remember all the things I wished to record, particulary with him sleeping so soundly beside me. I'd much rather watch him sleep, or join him again the that soft embrace, and another.
There have been whispers of war. Not the kitin uprising, but for the Order. This saddens my heart in a way I cannot describe. I have to wonder, then if Valko would keep his word, be unable to strike me if we met on the field. If anyone had asked me just a season ago, I'd have sworn that he would keep that word. Now, I don't know. I still do not believe what people say of him entirely. I know that he is a good homin, I have seen it. It cannot all be the trickery they claim, can it?
Further complicating the matter is that I'm now a High Officer. This complicates many matters, actually. Enon and I had another fight last night over it when I went to search out Emberstorm and Zyquo in Dew Drops. That is where I saw his shade in spring. I did find them. I left them food, water, and a couple clean cloths. I can only guess what happened. If either of them wishes me to know, they will tell me. The only new arising in that regard that worries me is the sudden appearance of "Lord Leonard Shadrisin". We will have to keep a close eye on him. Something feels amiss.
Enon is an Officer now. I'm very pleased.
Our disagreement was ended well.
Jeziellia blushed, and glanced over. Enon was murmuring in his sleep - her name.She reached over and smoothed his hair back from his face before returning to her writing.
If this is what Ema spoke of, then I can understand her a little better. I can only hope that
No, I know it isn't true for her. She's a light spirit, she makes no bonds. I wonder though, with the look that Perun gets when he speaks of her, just what happened between them. I wonder if he will tell her the news that came to me last night. It seems most men think out of their pants. I cannot say I'm disappointed. I am learning that to a degree, this is simply the way that things are and it is to be expected.
Now, how to ask him if he needs any help without seeming like I'm spying on his life. I honestly did not look for what I know this time. Do I tell Ema? Would she even care one way or another?
Those are not worries for today, however. My skin still warms when I look at him lying there. Perhaps now I've seen him as honest any homin can ever be, driven by something that isn't ruled by the mind, but something more instinctual, less complicated. I wonder how he sees me now, as well. I know that my eyes see a little differently this morning.
Thank you, Enon.
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Trekked Vae and Kae to Yrkanis last night, with Kas. We did very well. There was a little trouble with a group of three or so cuttlers and kitin interference, but that was the worst of it. Kae and Vae were reunited with a friend of theirs from Silan - Cyfier. It was very nice to see them so happy to see one another.
I told Suryi last night about what happened with Zyquo. It wasn't fair for her not to know. She and Kedino have grown close, and she was holding back in some ways because she did not want to hurt Zyquo's feelings. Granted, that is simply her nature and I would feel the same in her place, but is he deserving of that consideration, truly? She deserves to be happy and to enjoy that happiness. There is no sense in bearing guilt with it. He made his choices, and he made them long before now. Things were to end between them when he set off for his trip. Is any man that willing to set love aside worthy of delicate considerations in regards to happiness? No. I don't believe so. She owes him no debt, and if he is 'hurt', then it is his own doing for keeping her hidden and putting her aside, and not considering how she might be hurt should he lay his lips on another woman.
There's so much more surrounding Zyquo and Ember's return. Lord Leonard Shadrisin followed them, was possibly responsible for what happened to them - I mean, their ruined return, beaten and battered. Zyquo now does not remember washing up on a beach in Dew Drops, nor the duel between Ember and Leonard. She should have killed him, honestly. Instead he fled, spewing drivel about how the Order cannot watch over her all the time. Ridiculous, considering that she seems more than able to take care of herself in regards to him.
I've managed to work my way through approximately forty percent of the materials I had accumulated. And I keep accumulating. Perhaps tonight I will get to use more of them before Enon emerges from his studies. If he emerges before I am tired again.
Am I jealous? Yes. Of anyone in particular? No. Just everyone who gets to spend more time with him than I do. I admit, I don't know what he does all night while I am sleeping, and it doesn't matter. I trust him not to do things that would hurt me. However, I miss our time together.
Yes. We spend time together in groups, but it isn't the same. Maybe that's why I find myself so easily irritated in large gatherings. I'm more at ease in smaller ones.
Again I find myself wishing for Silan. The hours upon hours, just the two of us, in the jungle foraging, or on the island. Sitting, talking. Nothing mischievous in his eyes. Not that hungry look in his eyes, not that predatory grin on his face. Simple sincerity, honesty of self. Homin touch without the use of flesh. I don't want to believe that in the heart of things, he is more like how I am discovering most men to be.
Not that I don't enjoy the attention and the physical affections - it is very flattering to know that he also desires me - but it seems the larger focus now.
I'm sure this will pass. Sometimes I just wish for simpler things.
The warrior trainer in Yrkanis awarded me the title of "Cleaver" in my swordplay studies. On insistence from Haldir, and a better-reasoned statement from Kas, I learned how to get a creature's attention, to keep it from going after others.
My time out with Kas was relaxing at least. "You're more important." That was very nice to hear, particularly since the opposing idea in the equation that I was up against was the Pyr bathhouse full of scantily clad and flirtatious Fyros women.
Perun. Oh Perun, I wish I hadn't asked. I don't think less of him, but a part of me was disappointed. I am very glad, for Ema's sake, that she and I are so different. I won't tell her. If she and Perun still communicate, I will let that come out between them.
I will find out tonight if Artash and Shula, Perun's friends, need to make the trip to Yrkanis. I have also sent word to Perun letting him know about the planned trek to the Lakelands in a few days. Perhaps he and any of his other friends may join us. I hope they get their guild endeavor off the ground soon, before the idea and the cause lose their momentum.
Perun may have to take up the mantle of leadership whether he likes it or not.
He asked me questions again, about my life with my family. Perhaps he is right.
Perhaps it is time to write to my father and ask him for the truth.
Jeziellia sighed quietly, setting the journal aside. She would think about what to write to her father later. For now, she would get to work sorting out the materials Elavali had given to her. More ocyx parts, and some timari skins, and the like. She paused on the small stairs that descended from her living space into the area she used to work.
Sitting in the alcove was an amber carved vase holding a bundle of dried flowers she'd put there when she first moved in. Zyquo had given them to her quite a long time ago. She brushed her fingers over the near-perfectly preserved petals of one flower. He'd gone out and gathered them all in the Cities of Intuition, long before she'd ever seen the land. As a thank you, he'd said. A thank you for listening to the burden he carried. The burden that had taken him on his seasons long trip.
Her fingers brushed over her lips. Enon probably wanted to tell her that he told her so. Had it all been building toward that moment in Paramount Stock? Jeziellia shook her head, her hand falling to her side, and she continued into her workspace. There was work to be done and no time for pointless wondering.
Trekked Vae and Kae to Yrkanis last night, with Kas. We did very well. There was a little trouble with a group of three or so cuttlers and kitin interference, but that was the worst of it. Kae and Vae were reunited with a friend of theirs from Silan - Cyfier. It was very nice to see them so happy to see one another.
I told Suryi last night about what happened with Zyquo. It wasn't fair for her not to know. She and Kedino have grown close, and she was holding back in some ways because she did not want to hurt Zyquo's feelings. Granted, that is simply her nature and I would feel the same in her place, but is he deserving of that consideration, truly? She deserves to be happy and to enjoy that happiness. There is no sense in bearing guilt with it. He made his choices, and he made them long before now. Things were to end between them when he set off for his trip. Is any man that willing to set love aside worthy of delicate considerations in regards to happiness? No. I don't believe so. She owes him no debt, and if he is 'hurt', then it is his own doing for keeping her hidden and putting her aside, and not considering how she might be hurt should he lay his lips on another woman.
There's so much more surrounding Zyquo and Ember's return. Lord Leonard Shadrisin followed them, was possibly responsible for what happened to them - I mean, their ruined return, beaten and battered. Zyquo now does not remember washing up on a beach in Dew Drops, nor the duel between Ember and Leonard. She should have killed him, honestly. Instead he fled, spewing drivel about how the Order cannot watch over her all the time. Ridiculous, considering that she seems more than able to take care of herself in regards to him.
I've managed to work my way through approximately forty percent of the materials I had accumulated. And I keep accumulating. Perhaps tonight I will get to use more of them before Enon emerges from his studies. If he emerges before I am tired again.
Am I jealous? Yes. Of anyone in particular? No. Just everyone who gets to spend more time with him than I do. I admit, I don't know what he does all night while I am sleeping, and it doesn't matter. I trust him not to do things that would hurt me. However, I miss our time together.
Yes. We spend time together in groups, but it isn't the same. Maybe that's why I find myself so easily irritated in large gatherings. I'm more at ease in smaller ones.
Again I find myself wishing for Silan. The hours upon hours, just the two of us, in the jungle foraging, or on the island. Sitting, talking. Nothing mischievous in his eyes. Not that hungry look in his eyes, not that predatory grin on his face. Simple sincerity, honesty of self. Homin touch without the use of flesh. I don't want to believe that in the heart of things, he is more like how I am discovering most men to be.
Not that I don't enjoy the attention and the physical affections - it is very flattering to know that he also desires me - but it seems the larger focus now.
I'm sure this will pass. Sometimes I just wish for simpler things.
The warrior trainer in Yrkanis awarded me the title of "Cleaver" in my swordplay studies. On insistence from Haldir, and a better-reasoned statement from Kas, I learned how to get a creature's attention, to keep it from going after others.
My time out with Kas was relaxing at least. "You're more important." That was very nice to hear, particularly since the opposing idea in the equation that I was up against was the Pyr bathhouse full of scantily clad and flirtatious Fyros women.
Perun. Oh Perun, I wish I hadn't asked. I don't think less of him, but a part of me was disappointed. I am very glad, for Ema's sake, that she and I are so different. I won't tell her. If she and Perun still communicate, I will let that come out between them.
I will find out tonight if Artash and Shula, Perun's friends, need to make the trip to Yrkanis. I have also sent word to Perun letting him know about the planned trek to the Lakelands in a few days. Perhaps he and any of his other friends may join us. I hope they get their guild endeavor off the ground soon, before the idea and the cause lose their momentum.
Perun may have to take up the mantle of leadership whether he likes it or not.
He asked me questions again, about my life with my family. Perhaps he is right.
Perhaps it is time to write to my father and ask him for the truth.
Jeziellia sighed quietly, setting the journal aside. She would think about what to write to her father later. For now, she would get to work sorting out the materials Elavali had given to her. More ocyx parts, and some timari skins, and the like. She paused on the small stairs that descended from her living space into the area she used to work.
Sitting in the alcove was an amber carved vase holding a bundle of dried flowers she'd put there when she first moved in. Zyquo had given them to her quite a long time ago. She brushed her fingers over the near-perfectly preserved petals of one flower. He'd gone out and gathered them all in the Cities of Intuition, long before she'd ever seen the land. As a thank you, he'd said. A thank you for listening to the burden he carried. The burden that had taken him on his seasons long trip.
Her fingers brushed over her lips. Enon probably wanted to tell her that he told her so. Had it all been building toward that moment in Paramount Stock? Jeziellia shook her head, her hand falling to her side, and she continued into her workspace. There was work to be done and no time for pointless wondering.
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Jeziellia lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She rolled onto her side and stared at the wall. She rolled over again, pushing her pillow onto the floor. Finally she sat up. Sleep would not come. She could hear the stirrings of early morning life beginning in the city outside her apartment.
"May as well get up," she muttered. Her hair was a mess, and her nightgown hung from one shoulder. She was completely disheveled from tossing and turning in her futile chasing of sleep. Scuffing her feet on the soft carpeting of the specially grown ground cover, she looked over her piles of materials and the tools on her workbench.
"Bah," she turned away from them and looked at her armor and Dragonblade. She had even less desire to do anything with those. A knock on her door startled her. Warily she looked out. It was a guard holding a parchment. It was a letter from Suryi. She took a moment to read it after closing her door.
Jeziellia sat down at her workbench and penned a quick reply, taking it down to the caretaker to have delivered. Returning to her apartment, she trudged back to her bed and sat down. Reaching beneath the bed, she pulled out her bag and removed her journal.
I don't like the way I feel things going. Tensions are growing underneath the surface of everything, even if no one will face them or acknowledge them.
Haldir was under the impression that "something" happened between Zyquo and myself - something more than did, I suspect. I told him the story. I can only hope he believes me. What other stories are there going around about me? About me and other men, no less? I can only imagine then what they think
It is of no matter, I suppose.
Perun brought me very close to being angry. I hope he learns from this. It is fine and well that he's a young and ...fit man, but to abandon his friend and one of my Blades in the midst of Hidden Source? Even with his words that "if he had known", it is unacceptable. I feel I am too hard on him though. He reminds me of Ema in many ways, and it's hard not to expect something more, and better of him.
There was a whispering voice in my ear last night that left me very shaken.
Eternal sleep. The chance to simply... die and never rise again. Given everything I have going for me right now, I do not know why those words, that offer, feels like such a siren's call. I admitted it to Enon, finally, that I have felt that way before, and finally... Finally he did just what I have needed him to do when I feel like this. He held me.
Earlier in the evening when Kas made a crude joke of which I was the target, it left me embarrassed and uncomfortable and maybe a little hurt. Instead of simply holding me, he stared, watching me, like I was some kind of animal. Gauging how I would react. I wanted to just run away. I wanted his arms around me, even if he said nothing.
I know it doesn't make sense. I know I don't make sense. Not even here where I have time to think my thoughts over before they come out of me.
Things are uncomfortable between Enon and Haldir. On top of Enon's very public, somewhat inappropriate retorts toward Haldir, I think they both misunderstood what was expected of the other in the arrangement for jewelry. But they will not speak with one another. For Haldir's part, he doesn't want to be unreasonable with Enon. For Enon's part, I don't think he feels Haldir is worth reasoning with over the matter. To be honest, I don't think there's any reasoning with any man when the pride or ego or anything else is involved lately.
Perhaps it is the moon, or the ringed planet that is making everything awkward with hominkind.
I worry and feel for Kas.
Jeziellia lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She rolled onto her side and stared at the wall. She rolled over again, pushing her pillow onto the floor. Finally she sat up. Sleep would not come. She could hear the stirrings of early morning life beginning in the city outside her apartment.
"May as well get up," she muttered. Her hair was a mess, and her nightgown hung from one shoulder. She was completely disheveled from tossing and turning in her futile chasing of sleep. Scuffing her feet on the soft carpeting of the specially grown ground cover, she looked over her piles of materials and the tools on her workbench.
"Bah," she turned away from them and looked at her armor and Dragonblade. She had even less desire to do anything with those. A knock on her door startled her. Warily she looked out. It was a guard holding a parchment. It was a letter from Suryi. She took a moment to read it after closing her door.
Jeziellia sat down at her workbench and penned a quick reply, taking it down to the caretaker to have delivered. Returning to her apartment, she trudged back to her bed and sat down. Reaching beneath the bed, she pulled out her bag and removed her journal.
I don't like the way I feel things going. Tensions are growing underneath the surface of everything, even if no one will face them or acknowledge them.
Haldir was under the impression that "something" happened between Zyquo and myself - something more than did, I suspect. I told him the story. I can only hope he believes me. What other stories are there going around about me? About me and other men, no less? I can only imagine then what they think
It is of no matter, I suppose.
Perun brought me very close to being angry. I hope he learns from this. It is fine and well that he's a young and ...fit man, but to abandon his friend and one of my Blades in the midst of Hidden Source? Even with his words that "if he had known", it is unacceptable. I feel I am too hard on him though. He reminds me of Ema in many ways, and it's hard not to expect something more, and better of him.
There was a whispering voice in my ear last night that left me very shaken.
Eternal sleep. The chance to simply... die and never rise again. Given everything I have going for me right now, I do not know why those words, that offer, feels like such a siren's call. I admitted it to Enon, finally, that I have felt that way before, and finally... Finally he did just what I have needed him to do when I feel like this. He held me.
Earlier in the evening when Kas made a crude joke of which I was the target, it left me embarrassed and uncomfortable and maybe a little hurt. Instead of simply holding me, he stared, watching me, like I was some kind of animal. Gauging how I would react. I wanted to just run away. I wanted his arms around me, even if he said nothing.
I know it doesn't make sense. I know I don't make sense. Not even here where I have time to think my thoughts over before they come out of me.
Things are uncomfortable between Enon and Haldir. On top of Enon's very public, somewhat inappropriate retorts toward Haldir, I think they both misunderstood what was expected of the other in the arrangement for jewelry. But they will not speak with one another. For Haldir's part, he doesn't want to be unreasonable with Enon. For Enon's part, I don't think he feels Haldir is worth reasoning with over the matter. To be honest, I don't think there's any reasoning with any man when the pride or ego or anything else is involved lately.
Perhaps it is the moon, or the ringed planet that is making everything awkward with hominkind.
I worry and feel for Kas.
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Enon occupies my thoughts. Almost to the point of distraction, but it is far from unpleasant.
I was awarded the Order's Shield of Valor rather by surprise the other day. I don't think I did anything particularly noteworthy or above and beyond what I would normally do, but it would seem what I would 'normally' do tends to be more than what is expected. I'm starting to wonder if this is a good thing or a bad things.
I spoke with Perun. I hope our discussion has motivated him.
Jeziellia stared down at the mostly blank page. After a few moments, she shrugged, closing her journal and then put it away.
Enon occupies my thoughts. Almost to the point of distraction, but it is far from unpleasant.
I was awarded the Order's Shield of Valor rather by surprise the other day. I don't think I did anything particularly noteworthy or above and beyond what I would normally do, but it would seem what I would 'normally' do tends to be more than what is expected. I'm starting to wonder if this is a good thing or a bad things.
I spoke with Perun. I hope our discussion has motivated him.
Jeziellia stared down at the mostly blank page. After a few moments, she shrugged, closing her journal and then put it away.
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis
I don't know what happened, though I watched it all fall apart. Haldir's stepped down. Zyquo is now leader, but tomorrow all that may change. I should have taken it when he offered it. Taken it, soothed the hurts I could, brought back my dear ones, and patched things up the best I could. Now I can only wait.
Today was such a beautiful day. And the day before, and even before that. The treks, the harvesting, everything. But now?
The world feels like it is crumbling down around my head, or my heart. There's sadness, confusion, and hurt. Everywhere. It's not mine, but I can feel it, and it tears at me terribly. I feel sick.
Could I really do it? Could I lead the Order? I dreamt of it, I'd worked toward it, but I didn't think literally. Just as a High Officer, and that's what I'd attained.
I feel so isolated, in this pain. Always isolated. I can't reach out when I'm like this, it only stings when they don't understand. He said not to let my sorrow do this to me, but I do not know how to stop it. Sleep, please be a sweet mercy -
Jeziellia closed the inkwell, and repoised her quill to finish the sentence. She waited too long, and sleep came. Her eyes drifted closed and her hand went limp, laying on her open journal.
She had bribed her way into Enon's apartment. A handful of dapper and some Tryker rum. She was prepared to pay quite a bit more than she did. Her gloves and arm braces were dropped onto the floor. As were her shin-guards and she removed her boots. These lead in a short trail to Enon's soft bed. He was not there, of course. She'd fallen onto his bed and cried salty tears into his pillow, before taking up her Lumper quill to write.
As she drifted into slumber, her mind washed away all thought, leaving her in darkness, with the faint glow of fire in the distance.
I don't know what happened, though I watched it all fall apart. Haldir's stepped down. Zyquo is now leader, but tomorrow all that may change. I should have taken it when he offered it. Taken it, soothed the hurts I could, brought back my dear ones, and patched things up the best I could. Now I can only wait.
Today was such a beautiful day. And the day before, and even before that. The treks, the harvesting, everything. But now?
The world feels like it is crumbling down around my head, or my heart. There's sadness, confusion, and hurt. Everywhere. It's not mine, but I can feel it, and it tears at me terribly. I feel sick.
Could I really do it? Could I lead the Order? I dreamt of it, I'd worked toward it, but I didn't think literally. Just as a High Officer, and that's what I'd attained.
I feel so isolated, in this pain. Always isolated. I can't reach out when I'm like this, it only stings when they don't understand. He said not to let my sorrow do this to me, but I do not know how to stop it. Sleep, please be a sweet mercy -
Jeziellia closed the inkwell, and repoised her quill to finish the sentence. She waited too long, and sleep came. Her eyes drifted closed and her hand went limp, laying on her open journal.
She had bribed her way into Enon's apartment. A handful of dapper and some Tryker rum. She was prepared to pay quite a bit more than she did. Her gloves and arm braces were dropped onto the floor. As were her shin-guards and she removed her boots. These lead in a short trail to Enon's soft bed. He was not there, of course. She'd fallen onto his bed and cried salty tears into his pillow, before taking up her Lumper quill to write.
As she drifted into slumber, her mind washed away all thought, leaving her in darkness, with the faint glow of fire in the distance.
Jeziellia Mara'tyr
Officer, House Etchmarc, Arispotle
Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
[size=-2]OOC: Jeziellia's Journal is OOC knowledge only. Possibilities of reading it IC should be brought to me for discussion. Thank you![/size]
Officer, House Etchmarc, Arispotle
Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894)
[size=-2]OOC: Jeziellia's Journal is OOC knowledge only. Possibilities of reading it IC should be brought to me for discussion. Thank you![/size]
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Jeziellia sat at Enon's desk. Everything was in its place, so she didn't have to worry about moving or disturbing any of his things. He was still asleep. Flipping open her journal, she took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts.
It is difficult to tell where I should begin in recording the events of this Winter. Third Atys Cycle of Jena Year 2535.
The Order of the Dragonblades has suffered greatly these past days. Many harsh words were thrown, many dire actions were taken, and now in the aftermath, there is much to clean up. Some still do not know what happened. I wonder how convoluted the "truth" will become with so many lips whispering their pains, their biases, and their poison.
Members were hurt, members could not respect certain individuals, and so they left. Friends followed - many of them also feeling somehow wronged or slighted. It was a domino effect. One thing after the other, and no matter what any tried to do, the pattern continued.
Though my heart yearns to follow Enon in the establishment of his House in these new kingdoms, I am torn. I remain with the Order, as I pledged myself to it, to upholding it, and my dream has always been to see it made great again.
Zyquo is now the head of the Order, what is left of it, and I have chosen to remain as a High Officer. I hadn't planned to, but watching him make the difficult decision, and watching him execute a most unpopular but needed action - My respect and perhaps admiration for him has grown, or just changed. It's difficult to put into words.
I must be honest that had I been in his position, I could not have done it. Likely, I would have stripped Haldir down to basic member status, until I could discern just what was truth, and what was truth via perception. And what was just lies. I don't want to believe anyone would lie to me, but I am slowly learning that it is in homin nature to deceive, to mislead, to protect the self and its interests. To manipulate.
I have had to do it once, and I despise it. Thankfully, nothing came of it.
I will continue, to the best of my abilities, to help Perun and his friends in their travels. I should start taking them around the local areas to get pacts as well. I know Kendrus was missing the pact that sits in Fleeting Garden, but we did not have time to stop and get it, rushed as we were. I'm sure, now that the kitin have retreated, he will be able to get to it very safely on his own. He strikes me as quite capable.
I wish there was time for me to just disappear into the wilds for a few days. I need to let all these toxins, all this tension, just seep from my body. I pray to Jena that I never have to endure anything so rending or difficult again.
There are still many hard decisions and rough roads ahead. I will assist Zyquo as I can, and try to bridge what chasms I may.
For now, I feel as though I could sleep for days.
Jeziellia sighed softly. She closed her journal and was certain to slip it back into the bottom of her pack, covering it up with her bundle of leatherworking tools. Her bare feet made hardly a sound on the wooden floor as she crossed the room to the bed. Enon was curled up on his side, facing the wall. She climbed under the blankets and curled up behind him, draping one arm over him, curling it up to rest her hand against his chest. The other she tucked under her head. Her eyes drifted closed, and she slept.
Jeziellia sat at Enon's desk. Everything was in its place, so she didn't have to worry about moving or disturbing any of his things. He was still asleep. Flipping open her journal, she took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts.
It is difficult to tell where I should begin in recording the events of this Winter. Third Atys Cycle of Jena Year 2535.
The Order of the Dragonblades has suffered greatly these past days. Many harsh words were thrown, many dire actions were taken, and now in the aftermath, there is much to clean up. Some still do not know what happened. I wonder how convoluted the "truth" will become with so many lips whispering their pains, their biases, and their poison.
Members were hurt, members could not respect certain individuals, and so they left. Friends followed - many of them also feeling somehow wronged or slighted. It was a domino effect. One thing after the other, and no matter what any tried to do, the pattern continued.
Though my heart yearns to follow Enon in the establishment of his House in these new kingdoms, I am torn. I remain with the Order, as I pledged myself to it, to upholding it, and my dream has always been to see it made great again.
Zyquo is now the head of the Order, what is left of it, and I have chosen to remain as a High Officer. I hadn't planned to, but watching him make the difficult decision, and watching him execute a most unpopular but needed action - My respect and perhaps admiration for him has grown, or just changed. It's difficult to put into words.
I must be honest that had I been in his position, I could not have done it. Likely, I would have stripped Haldir down to basic member status, until I could discern just what was truth, and what was truth via perception. And what was just lies. I don't want to believe anyone would lie to me, but I am slowly learning that it is in homin nature to deceive, to mislead, to protect the self and its interests. To manipulate.
I have had to do it once, and I despise it. Thankfully, nothing came of it.
I will continue, to the best of my abilities, to help Perun and his friends in their travels. I should start taking them around the local areas to get pacts as well. I know Kendrus was missing the pact that sits in Fleeting Garden, but we did not have time to stop and get it, rushed as we were. I'm sure, now that the kitin have retreated, he will be able to get to it very safely on his own. He strikes me as quite capable.
I wish there was time for me to just disappear into the wilds for a few days. I need to let all these toxins, all this tension, just seep from my body. I pray to Jena that I never have to endure anything so rending or difficult again.
There are still many hard decisions and rough roads ahead. I will assist Zyquo as I can, and try to bridge what chasms I may.
For now, I feel as though I could sleep for days.
Jeziellia sighed softly. She closed her journal and was certain to slip it back into the bottom of her pack, covering it up with her bundle of leatherworking tools. Her bare feet made hardly a sound on the wooden floor as she crossed the room to the bed. Enon was curled up on his side, facing the wall. She climbed under the blankets and curled up behind him, draping one arm over him, curling it up to rest her hand against his chest. The other she tucked under her head. Her eyes drifted closed, and she slept.
Re: Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Order of the Dragonblades Guild Hall, Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
Jeziellia stretched, opening her eyes. For a moment she didn't recognize her surroundings; when the haze of sleep lifted, she recognized the downstairs area. She had never slept in the guildhall until last night. She sat up, putting her bare feet on the chilled floor. Her things were still in their place, and there was no sign that anything had stirred at all. The silence in the hall was almost oppressive. She concentrated a moment, reaching out, but the Guild Seed was just as still. There was a tension that seemed alive, some strange invisible creature one could breathe in and out.
I almost don't want to go outside. The silence is suffocating. The world feels too big. It is starting to make me nervous. Every person that smiles at me, every person that talks to me in passing, I'm starting to question their motives. This is not who I am.
Perhaps it is the stress getting to me. The hardest part is the waiting. It may be that I am not worthy of the Order, the Order as it should be, as it was. I do not know how much longer I can bear to be apart from Enon. I never realized how important that little extra Seed connection was until it was gone. He and Kas. And the girls. It's a gaping hole within me, and I can't begin to think how to fill it.
For now, though, I must remain strong. Zyquo needs me to, Enon needs me to. There are many who do. I said I would weather this, I would help pick up the pieces, and Jena willing, that is what I intend to do.
Jeziellia stretched, opening her eyes. For a moment she didn't recognize her surroundings; when the haze of sleep lifted, she recognized the downstairs area. She had never slept in the guildhall until last night. She sat up, putting her bare feet on the chilled floor. Her things were still in their place, and there was no sign that anything had stirred at all. The silence in the hall was almost oppressive. She concentrated a moment, reaching out, but the Guild Seed was just as still. There was a tension that seemed alive, some strange invisible creature one could breathe in and out.
I almost don't want to go outside. The silence is suffocating. The world feels too big. It is starting to make me nervous. Every person that smiles at me, every person that talks to me in passing, I'm starting to question their motives. This is not who I am.
Perhaps it is the stress getting to me. The hardest part is the waiting. It may be that I am not worthy of the Order, the Order as it should be, as it was. I do not know how much longer I can bear to be apart from Enon. I never realized how important that little extra Seed connection was until it was gone. He and Kas. And the girls. It's a gaping hole within me, and I can't begin to think how to fill it.
For now, though, I must remain strong. Zyquo needs me to, Enon needs me to. There are many who do. I said I would weather this, I would help pick up the pieces, and Jena willing, that is what I intend to do.
Journal of Jeziellia, Matis
Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights
I've abandoned him. I know he told me I should do what I need to do to be happy, and I am happy here. I have never felt so much at home as I do in House Etchmarc. And yet, a part of me is eaten by this shame in my heart.
I resigned my position and membership with the Order last night. I failed Zyquo. I failed to uphold and support him as leader of the Order, and my personal desires were beginning to conflict too strongly with my duties. I am weak, a failure. Everything I'd worked toward lies in ruins, and I cannot find the strength within me to rebuild it. I find my heart is no longer in those dreams.
It was one of the hardest things I have had to do - to look Zyquo in the eyes, admit my failures, and return my Dragonblade, my Guild Armory amplifiers, and finally my guild badge. I know it was not easy on him either. Neither of us is likely to say so to one another, however. It isn't our way.
I wanted to reassure him, offer him something, but I knew there was nothing. I had just taken away the only thing I could possibly have given him - my support.
Oh Jena, what a shadow this has cast over the bright and warm welcome that greeted me in House Etchmarc. Would I do things differently? No. This is where I belong, this is truly home.
This past winter was the longest I have ever known. After I was welcomed into House Etchmarc, I rested, and when I emerged again, it was spring. As if it were waiting for me. Silly, yes. Yet the impact cannot be ignored.
I've helped trek Kendrus to Fairhaven - on the last trek that the Order of the Dragonblades held together. Perhaps the greatest gathering I'd seen. Strange how the pendulum shifts so quickly. The Tryker cousins, Wheri and Tinai, have also been safely taken to Zora, along with a friend of theirs, Mercellus. He's a dear little Tryker, and though the memory is a little hazy, I cannot help but remember the warmth and the smile that seemed to radiate from him at the mention of Artash's love, Dixie. At least that's how I remember it all. I may have to ask Perun if he noticed.
Only a few more to bring to Zora, and Perun will take the next step. At least, I hope he will. For all my playful threats, I know I cannot force his hand in this. Things must happen in their own time.
I'm so happy to be reunited with Enon, and he was waiting on me. I cannot begin to describe how this further warms my heart toward him.
I've abandoned him. I know he told me I should do what I need to do to be happy, and I am happy here. I have never felt so much at home as I do in House Etchmarc. And yet, a part of me is eaten by this shame in my heart.
I resigned my position and membership with the Order last night. I failed Zyquo. I failed to uphold and support him as leader of the Order, and my personal desires were beginning to conflict too strongly with my duties. I am weak, a failure. Everything I'd worked toward lies in ruins, and I cannot find the strength within me to rebuild it. I find my heart is no longer in those dreams.
It was one of the hardest things I have had to do - to look Zyquo in the eyes, admit my failures, and return my Dragonblade, my Guild Armory amplifiers, and finally my guild badge. I know it was not easy on him either. Neither of us is likely to say so to one another, however. It isn't our way.
I wanted to reassure him, offer him something, but I knew there was nothing. I had just taken away the only thing I could possibly have given him - my support.
Oh Jena, what a shadow this has cast over the bright and warm welcome that greeted me in House Etchmarc. Would I do things differently? No. This is where I belong, this is truly home.
This past winter was the longest I have ever known. After I was welcomed into House Etchmarc, I rested, and when I emerged again, it was spring. As if it were waiting for me. Silly, yes. Yet the impact cannot be ignored.
I've helped trek Kendrus to Fairhaven - on the last trek that the Order of the Dragonblades held together. Perhaps the greatest gathering I'd seen. Strange how the pendulum shifts so quickly. The Tryker cousins, Wheri and Tinai, have also been safely taken to Zora, along with a friend of theirs, Mercellus. He's a dear little Tryker, and though the memory is a little hazy, I cannot help but remember the warmth and the smile that seemed to radiate from him at the mention of Artash's love, Dixie. At least that's how I remember it all. I may have to ask Perun if he noticed.
Only a few more to bring to Zora, and Perun will take the next step. At least, I hope he will. For all my playful threats, I know I cannot force his hand in this. Things must happen in their own time.
I'm so happy to be reunited with Enon, and he was waiting on me. I cannot begin to describe how this further warms my heart toward him.