Ryzom

Mobs of angry harvesters, along with melee and mage types, have gathered outside major cities with the intent of rescuing the missing devs.
Your on the spot reporter, Moha, interviewed a high ranking fighter, usedtobe Contender, who layed out the battle tatics. "well Moha, after we find where the devs are being kept , we intend to rush the place. With the current death rate it shouldn't be to hard to stack bodies up protecting the harvesters who will be hard at it finding sources to extract, we are hoping the explosions from these will damage the kitins long enough for the mages to rush up and enthrall the nasty beasties with their new gloves. allowing anyone left still standing to rush in and rescue the devs".
Things were going along nicely untill the group set forth and was immediately set upon by a mop of angry gingos causing everyone to scurry back to the city guards. cries of plan B , plan B were heard from the remaining homins gathered

sadneb wrote:Mobs of angry harvesters, along with melee and mage types, have gathered outside major cities with the intent of rescuing the missing devs.
Your on the spot reporter, Moha, interviewed a high ranking fighter, usedtobe Contender, who layed out the battle tatics. "well Moha, after we find where the devs are being kept , we intend to rush the place. With the current death rate it shouldn't be to hard to stack bodies up protecting the harvesters who will be hard at it finding sources to extract, we are hoping the explosions from these will damage the kitins long enough for the mages to rush up and enthrall the nasty beasties with their new gloves. allowing anyone left still standing to rush in and rescue the devs".
Things were going along nicely untill the group set forth and was immediately set upon by a mop of angry gingos causing everyone to scurry back to the city guards. cries of plan B , plan B were heard from the remaining homins gathered

"This just in: at 4:33 AM, a kitin emissary approached the gates of Zora carrying a message. Unfortunately, everyone's inventory was full of partial stacks of low-level materials gained from harvesting away death points, so the emissary was forced to drop it on the ground for people to read. [Several people tried to place these materials on their mektoubs, but they were currently full as well, most with used kleenex]. The message contained the following script:

"Developers r ourz. Deliverz $14.95 tu uz in 1 mnth
frum Mundae if u wantz to c them agin."

One of the town's corporals told us he'd pay us three dapper to kill fifteen of the kitin for him, but this reporter opted to pass on that opportunity. When asked for comment on the kitin ransom note, one citizen replied:

"We're not even sure these "developers" exist. We've been discussing it, and we feel that Jena has grown angry with us for bathing irregularly. As a result, we've been spending all of our time in rivers, which has further convinced us of the truth. So far the rivers are one of the few places where we're not instantly slain by gingos and ragus."

Another citizen had this to say:

"Umm..did that ransom note say $14.95? Isn't that the cost of a monthly subscription to the Gladiatorial Open Tournament and Championship of Heroic Atysians? Has anyone seen the pit bosses of the tournament lately? I'm beginning to think there's a connection. Perhaps if we looked into those pit bos-..."

Regrettably, the interview was cut short at this point as a strangely aware-looking sprightly yubo with a French name urinated on the citizen's foot, killing him instantly. We did send a communique to the pit bosses of G.O.T.C.H.A. with request for a comment. I'm sure many of you will be happy to hear that, as a result, the staff of the Atys Gazette has been "invited" to participate in the next G.O.T.C.H.A. tournament. We've heard our opponents will be a pack of Scowling Gingos.

If you'd like to reach the paper with any comments or information, please contact our next of kin at 10942 Respawn Point Road, Cities of Light, Atys. We thank you for your readership and look forward to doing business with you in future lifetimes."

Well, cheers for taking a creative stab at an ugly situation, Sadneb. I liked it, anyway.

jenuviel wrote:Well, cheers for taking a creative stab at an ugly situation, Sadneb. I liked it, anyway.

LMAO very funny

ROFL Have to go now to wipe away tears of laughter.

"Regrettably, the interview was cut short at this point as a strangely aware-looking sprightly yubo with a French name urinated on the citizen's foot, killing him instantly."

So good, Jenuviel. I'm laughing ... *and* crying at the same time. It's funny but oh so *painfully* true - which isn't funny at all. *throws head back* WAH!!

Yesterday I was afraid to hunt. I've got dp left over from trying to get through BB Sunday night and didn't dare attack anything for fear of getting more dp. Now, how much fun is that?

Dateline- 7:31 AM

"This reporter is glad to announce that the Atys Gazette's untimely demise in the Gladiatorial Open Tournament and Championship of Heroic Atysians was prevented just in the nick of time. The Scowling Gingos had just been released from their pens when a cloaked figure on a white mektoub appeared. This figure produced from its cloak a small timepiece with jewel-encrusted hands which appeared to be turning backwards.[Note: the timepiece featured the image of a large white mouse with larger black ears. Pass this on to the Department of Religious Iconography at the university of Atys.] Even as we watched, the Gingos crept backwards into their cages as if time were being reversed.

Unable to quash my journalistic instincts, I asked the figure who he, she, or it was and what it was that he, she, or it was doing.

"I'm a member of the Creative Solutions Regiment," replied the cloaked personage. "Some folks call me Cerest. If you like what I did with that watch, wait until you see what I can do with an hourglass, a yubo, half of a lemon and a quality level 1 pickaxe."

I just squinted at the enigmatic being and nodded as if I understood. It's never a good idea to admit ignorance to a superior being. They tend to eat you. I learned that in my university class "History of Fyros Excavation 101: Why Shovels and Stupidity Don't Mix."

The figure smirked somewhat reassuringly, making me even more impressed with its abilities. How exactly does one smirk reassuringly? I made a note to practice it in a mirror, or at least some Modi armor, later. Suddenly, the sky filled with stormclouds and fat droplets of rain began pelting the staff of the Gazette, as well as those who had assembled in the arena to watch the spectacle.

Gesturing at the sky, the mysterious Cerest said with a twinkle in its eye, "Water you going to do now?"

"Water?," I thought with another quickly concealed look of confusion. Was that some divine "riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a...err..uncertain questiony thing?" Come to think of it, those raindrops did look a bit odd. Turning my head toward the sky and pushing a lock of hair from my face, I peered intently at the falling droplets. Each wet drop was perfectly symmetrical. More than that, they all appeared to be filled with letters. The more I looked, the brighter and larger those letters became.

"We apologize for the inconvenience. We're sending a geologist sometime between five am and eleven pm to take a look at the glowing green rock problem later today. She'll be accompanied by Sogfried and Riy, a pair of freelance animal experts who will be plying medication to the local fauna." -The Management
"Management?" I thought to myself, all the while nodding sagely at Cerest. I knew I wasn't fooling anybody, but at least the shrouded biped was doing me the favor of playing along.

"Ummm," I said eloquently, "please tell the management that the staff of the Gazette is grateful for the maintenance."

It was at that moment that my editor whispered into my ear, "Ask if they do any catering! I haven't eaten since the cloppers trapped me in our Lakelands branch office. If possible, see if they make crabcakes." [Note: I still have no idea how that man got his job.]

Of a sudden, Cerest the noble aristocrat of the Creative Solutions Regiment (or NA CSR for those readers with ADD [Atysian Dummy Disorder]) flashed a brilliant grin, nudged its mektoub onto its hindlegs, then galloped upward into the night sky. I couldn't help but notice that my editor was stuffing a crabcake through his bushy mustache and smiling like an otter with a shellfish habit.

To our Zorai readers: while it appears Jena was not in fact urging you all to bathe more frequently in the rivers around Zora, we've received several requests from our Tryker readers encouraging you to continue the practice.

To our Matis readers: we've received multiple requests from our Zorai readers that you stop making hat racks out of old growth trees regardless of how "supernaturally matterific" they look. Apparently the Kami have, in their displeasure, made all Zorai masks weigh an extra twenty pounds until the situation is handled.

To our Tryker readers: our Zorai, Matis, and Fyros readers have all suggested that you are too flighty.The Matis have passed on a formula for mild tranquilizers that they believe will help, the Zorai have sent along some rocks to be placed in your shoes, and the Fyros have sent a large number of vegetable-based nails and hammers along with an illustration of one such nail being driven through a boot by one such hammer.

To our Fyros readers: the Tryker, Matis and Zorai people, as well as the yubos, messabs and mektoubs, all request that you put the bloody shovels down and get the hell out of the Prime Roots before you wake up something worse. Learn a lesson people!

I guess that's it for this update. Reporting from the G.O.T.C.H.A. arena outside Yrkanis, this is Jen Uviel. Good night, and may the good news be-"

"-Damnit Mac'Rourke, stop waving that crabcake at me!"

*applause applause applause*

LOL....loved it! Makes work a lot easier to get through today!

hehehe sweet....

Extremely funny, and well written. Only one point to mention:

jenuviel wrote:So far the rivers are one of the few places where we're not instantly slain by gingos and ragus.

The above situation is coming to an end. Watch for the pirana gingo's introduced in the new patch.

Doctor Z.