Ryzom

INTRODUCTION :

Guild : Pirates of the Lakelands
Faction : ?? (Or any that will give the most profit.)
Leader : Captain Hawkswing, Tryker (grumpy, short-tempered, greedy, selfish...*shrug* a pirate !)
High Officer : Reno, Matis(intelligent, specialises in map reading, the captain can rely on him for good advice)
Officer : Ba’Ferrey, Tryker (his small size can turn out to be an advantage when it comes to stealing)
Member : Perposus, Zoraï (thicker than wood, but very good at fighting, saved his friends many times from danger, even if the captain has a hard time acknowledging it)


It was near midnight in Verdant Heights. The infamous guild of the pirates of the Lakelands were strolling in the dark forest. Reno was holding a torch, keeping an eye out for predators. Ferret (short for Ba’Ferrey) was dragging his feet, exhausted from the long walk. Perposus was doing his best reading the map. Hawkswing started to grumble about food and asked where they were.

-According to the map we’re halfway there capt’n. The jewels are buried at the entrance of the maze in....Hysteric Novel !
-It’s Heretic Hovel, Perposus. Can’t you read ? Said Reno.
-Oh yeah. Well the jewels are buried in the Hovel maze.

Hawkswing stopped walking and looked at Perposus.

-Maze ? Maze ? but...But we went through a maze 3 hours ago back then !
-Oh...yeah...That’s funny that...Cos on the map it doesn’ say there is one.

Hawkswing looked up at the confused zoraï and blinked.

-You’ve been reading the map upsied down haven’t ya....You....Bodoc !
-Well why didn’t ya give the map to Reno ? Why couldn’t I hold the torch ?
-He’d have burned his own pants if he did ! Retorted Reno.

Just as Hawkswing was about to kick Perposus in the knees (he couldn’t reach anywhere else), a voice cried out for help. In a flash the pirates drew out their weapons, following the shouts. As they drew aside a bush they saw an old matis woman dressed in expensive clothes, with her back to an old tree clearly terrified.

-Help ! Help ! It’s going to eat me !
-What is ? Asked Ferret.
-That horrible kincher there !

The pirates looked around, incredulous. They followed the shaky finger the old matis was pointing, heard a little bark and looked down to find a little yubo wagging it’s tail.

-That’s not a kincher ma’am. Said Perposus.
-Yes it is ! Look at it’s horrible pincers and cruel black eyes !
-No ma’am. It ain’t a kincher. Kinchers don’t wag their tails and wet your boots like it’s doing now ma’am.
-Oh ! Is anyone going to save me from this terrifying beast ? Scrieched the old woman.
-Fine ! fine !

Hawkswing aimed his pistol and shot the yubo with a single bullet. Reno approached the old woman to reassure her.

-You are now safe milady. My friend has dealt with the monster. Would you be so kind as to allow us to escort you back to safety ? It is not wise to walk about in the forest at such a time.
-Oh ! Kind sir ! You are so generous ! Please, bring your friends along ! I MUST present my saviors to the rest of the family.

Reno winked back at his friends and walked behind the old woman. Hawkswing and Ferret stared at him. Perposus looked down at the dead yubo and started to weap.

-*Sniff* *Sniff* Poor....poor...little thing....don’t * hiccup* worry ! You...will not suffer anymore..*sniff*
-What on Atys is he thinking ? Growled Hawkswing. First this moaning son of a yubo gets us lost in the damn middle o’ nowhere, and now Reno flirts with this blind wrinkled igara ?!
-I think we should follow him. Said Ferret.

The old lady led the pirates through the city of Yrkanis and, to their utmost surprise (except Reno for he knew all along), in front of the doors to the throne room of the King. The old woman turned out to be the duchess Di Varelo, the wife of the Duke Di Varelo, a close friend to the royal family. A servant bowed to the duchess and looked at the pirates with disdain.

-And what is....that ?
-What d’ya mean “that” ? Growled Hawkswing.
-It’s all right, Lino, they are with me. Answered the duchess. These homins have saved me from a most dreadful death and I am entirely in their depth.
-Is that so...And what, may I ask would be your names ?

Reno stepped forward, and bowed gracefully to the servant.

-My name is Sir Reno Linelli. I am a businessman. I recently imported some stinga rum from the Burning Desert into Aeden Aqueous. On my way to my homeland I invited some of my friends with me.
-Really...I didn’t know the fyros made stinga rum...It must have been quite a laborious ordeal, stingas do not grow in the desert you see.
-Oh, I’m sorry, do beg my pardon ! No it’s the other way round. I thank you for correcting my mistake, you obviously drink a lot. Said Reno with a smile.

Hawkswing did his best to keep a straight face when he introduced himself.

-My name is..euhm...Hawks....
-Lord Hawksnipple ! Said Reno. A good customer and friend.
-Wha...
-Welcome to Verdant Heights milord....Hawksnipple...Said the servant. And you ?

Ferret moved forward.

-I’m...
-This is mister Ferrey Ba’Booze, my personal assistant. Declared Reno with half a smile.
-I see...And who might you be ? Asked the servant, looking at the massive zoraï.
-I’m....Perposus !
-He’s my bodyguard. Answered Reno.
-More of a pet than a bodyguard... Muttered Hawkswing.
-Very well gentlehomins. If you could please wait here untill we introduce you. His royal Highness is busy with some important family affairs.

The servant bowed and accompanied the duchess through the door, leaving the pirates alone in the corridor.

-I didn’t know the king could have an affair with his family. Exclaimed Perposus.

Ferret turned towards Reno.

-BA’BOOZE ?!?! He shouted.
-Sorry guys ! Said Reno as he burst out laughing. But I couldn’t help myself !
-You are sooooo dead ! spat Hawkswing.
-Why in the name of Atys do you wanna see the king anyway ? Asked Ferret.
-Because they are filthy rich of course ! Answered Reno with a grin. Think about it ! Think about what we can steal from them if we manage to become friends with them !
-By the horns of a Shalah ! Ya right ! Exclaimed Hawkswing. We could fill our pockets tonight and be off the next morning with a bit o’luck !

He rubbed his hands and licked his lips imagining all kinds of treasures.

-But ya still gonna pay for calling me Hawksnipple ! He growled suddenly.

At that moment the door opened. The servant beckoned the pirates to enter.
King Yrkanis was sitting on a high but rather narrow throne. Sitting at his side were Queen Lea and Prince Stevano. A few Matis of noble blood were also in the room chatting and laughing, enjoying a glass of stinga rum. The servant presented the new guests to the king and they each bowed one by one (yes even Perposus !).

-Greetings, honorable homins ! I am most delighted to meet you. The Duchess Di Varelo has brought to me the tale of your heroic deed. It is a blessing you came to her rescue in so short a time. For that, you have my undying gratitude and that of the noble families of the matis kingdom.
-I would greatly appreciate your company if you agreed to stay for the night, as a token of our gratitude. Added Queen Lea. We will enjoy your presence immensely won’t we lady Chiabre ?

Reno looked at the young sulking matis girl the Queen was adressing. She was the kind of spoilt child who grew up in luxury and treated any being of inferior social status with arrogance.

-Most assuredly your Highness. Answered Lady Chiabre trying not to sound too bored.

Perposus nudged Hawkswing and whispered in his ear :

-*psst* Hey ! Capt’n ! They must be talking some secret code language ! I don’t understand nothing of what they said capt’n !

Reno stepped forward and bowed deeply.

-It is a great honor your Majesty ! We accept your offer with great enthusiasm.
-Good ! Then the servant will show you your rooms. You still have a few minutes to prepare yourselves for our midnight feast.

Every guest bowed to the royal family before the king dismissed them. On their way out, the pirates got introduced to the Duke Di Varelo.

-I wanted to thank you personally for saving my wife. Said the Duke.
-Bah ! It’s okey ! The old bag never was in trouble anyways ! Said Hawkswing.
-I beg your pardon ?
-Oh...euh..damn...euhm....Hail ! It be fine ! The bag old trouble be never in anyway !
-I am sorry ! I fear I do not comprehend a word you are saying.
-Do not worry milord. My friend here is most fatigued by his travels and needs rest. Answered Reno.
-Fatigued ! My rear end ! I awoken never be in my life ! I feel a gingo up the bum like kick !
-Is your....friend mentally challenged ? Whispered the Duke.
-Mentally Hawksnipple challenged me ? I be snobbish like that fat constipated insult not by will frippo !
-Sweet Mother of Atys ! What is it you are saying ? I suggest you take your friend to his room.

The Duke left, glancing at Hawkswing awkwardly, clearly offended.

-What the hell were you on about ? Asked Reno.
-What ? Don’t snobs like him switch words in weird places to make their sentences all noble-like ?
-Of course not ! Gibbaï head !
-Hey ! Don’t you talk to me like that ! Remember that nipple or no nipple I am still your captain ! Growled Hawkswing.
-Whatever ! What on Atys were you trying to say to him ?
-First I told him I never felt more awake in my life and I felt like kicking a gingo up it’s bum ! Then I told him that I will not be insulted like that by a fat constipated snobbish frippo.

Ferret had a hard time stopping his uncontrolable bursts of laughter.
The servant showed everyone their room. It was not long before every piece of jewellery and precious sculpture went into a bag that Perposus hid under his bed.

-Don’t bother nicking anything from the table ! We don’t wanna get caught ! Said Hawkswing. We already have a fortune in that bag. So you’d best not lose it Perposus...or else...
-Don’t worry capt’n, sir ! It’safe with me all right !
-I wouldn’t bet 2 dappers it is...
-Thank ya sir ! Said Perposus, pleased.
-Whatever ! Retorted the captain with a sigh.
-Captain ! I ain’t had a drop of firewine in me since Perposus smashed the barrel on the head of that torbak in the lagoons of Loria. Complained Ferret.
-Aye ! Go and ask the servant where the pub in Yrkanis is.
-Wait a minute Ferret ! Don’t go talking crap like the captain did. To order a drink I suggest you say “Hail ! Friend !May you be so kind as to pour me a glass of firewine please ?”
-Yah ! Okey Reno ! I’ll remember.
-We’ll all go with ya ! Said Hawkswing.

They happily made their way to the bar. Perposus and Hawkswing sat at a small table in the corner so as not to be troubled while Ferret And Reno went to get the drinks.

-Hail ! Fiend ! Ferret said to the barman.
-*Psst* Friend ! Whispered Reno.
-May you be so kind as to purr me a glass of firewine please ?
-POUR ! you pillock !
-May you be so kind as to pour me a glass of firewine please you pillock !
-Euhm..certainly ! Answered the barman.

An attractive matis girl came to serve the drinks.

-Here you are sirs ! 4 glasses of firewine ! she said with a smile.
-Thank you miss...
-Nadia Pino !
-A most charming name ! said Reno with a stupid grin.

The girl giggled and blushed.

-Oh please....Muttered Hawkswing rolling his eyes.
-Would you care to join us ?
-You are very kind !
-May I present mister Ba’Booze ! Said Reno pointing at Ferret.
-And ain’t that appropriate ! Growled Hawkswing.

The girl giggled again and looked shyly at Reno who now had a hand on her knee.

-And this is Lord Hawksnipple ! Added Ferret, glaring at his captain.

The girl suppressed a laugh.

-And what is yours ? She asked Reno with a wide smile.
-Sir Reno Linelli.
-Oooh that’s such a nice name !
-Thank you ! I’m an ambassador in Aeden Aqueous.

Hawkswing and Ferret looked at each other, bemused.

-You said you were a dude who brought drinks from the desert where they ain’t supposed to be made into the lakes to sell ‘em ! Exclaimed Perposus.

The servant narrowed her eyes, stood up, looked at Reno with disgust and went off.

-Oh well...Sighed Reno. Worth a try.
-That does it Reno ! Snapped Hawkswing angrily. I’m not having any more of this crap ! We’re pirates dammit ! Bandits ! We don’t mess about flirting with ugly barmaids and speaking like we were mentally retarded ! We go back to our rooms, pretend to change for dinner, then we take off with the bag back to our hideout. Perposus ! I want ya out of the way ! Ya gonna chuck the bag out of ya window to Ferret who’ll give it back to ya once ya outside. Then ya’ll go to the stables so ya won’t look too suspicious. If ya meet someone on the way tell him ya going to relieve yourself. Me and Reno will collect all our stuff and pretend to go looking for ya. Then we steal some mounts and get outta the country. Got it ?
-Aye !
-Aye !
-Aye ! sir !
-Good. Then let’s get back to the palace !

While Ferret stood guard outside Perposus’s window, the rest of the bandits sneaked in the palace. Perposus went in his room, grabbed his mace and his bag and chucked it out the window. He heard a small “Ow!” followed by some angry swearing then went back out telling someone on the way he was going to “reveal” himself. Ferret gave him the bag. He had a big bump on his forehead.

-You stay here ! I’m going to take care of the stable boy.

As Ferret went off, Perposus saw a servant struggling to carry a heavy bag. He proposed to help him.

-Oh thank you most kindly sir ! I’m taking this bag of meat to the royal pet jugulas.
-You have jugulas ?
-The finest and most dangerous jugulas you’ve ever seen. They usually guard the palace in times of war. They also have a very strong sense of smell. It wouldn’t surprise me if they could smell this bag a mile away.
-Wow ! Let me carry it for you.
-You are very kind master zoraï !

Meanwhile, Hawkswing and Reno were preparing to leave the bedrooms.

-We got everything ? Asked Hawkswing.
-Wait ! There’s still Ferret’s bedroom. He’d go completely mad if we forget his daggers.

Hawkswing checked the corridor to see if it was empty and beckoned Reno to follow him. He stopped in front of a door.

-I think it’s that one.
-Lucky bugger ! That room looks so much better than ours.

Hawkswing pushed the door open and entered. It didn’t take them long to figure out it was not Ferret’s room at all. There was a magnificent bed with baldachins and curtains, a dressing table loaded with all kinds of make-up and perfumes, and an enormous wardrobe where hung party dresses and all kinds of armors. Hawkswing looked around. Any normal homin would walk out quickly before he was seen. But at the sight of such luxury, Hawkswing couldn’t resist.

-Let’s take everything !
-What ?! What the hell are we gonna do with women dresses and make up !
-Sell ‘em you fool !
-Is anyone here ? Shouted a voice.

The two pirates started to panic. Where to hide ? If they were caught in here, they were doomed. Reno pointed at the wardrobe.

-Are you mad ? What if she opens it to look for a dress ? Or worse ! What if she shuts it ? Uttered Hawkswing through gritted teeth.
-There’s no time for that !

Hawkswing jumped in the wardrobe with Reno and crouched, covering himself with dresses, which didn’t help really, for he was shaking uncontrollably. Reno peeked between two armors to see who the woman was. It happened to be lady Chiabre. She walked in her bedroom, closed the door and looked around.

-A feast. In THEIR honor. Who are these idiots anyway ? I personally have never heard of them. How can the king be so foolish as to honor these....nobodies.

Hawkswing muttered a word about the lady that I will not quote. Reno gave a small kick, murmuring him to shut up. The lady started to undress and to their dismay turned to her wardrobe. Both pirates crouched very low, hoping, praying they would not be seen. Hawkswing muttered under his breath about having cramps and swore again. Lady Chiabre did not hear. She was busy stripping off her vest and searching a drawer. She found nothing, and decided to look at the vests hanging in the wardrobe itself. Her bosom was level to Reno’s eyes who couldn’t help but stare, gaping and drooling. Lady Chiabre chose a dress, and slipped it on, checking in a mirror if it suited her. Reno was still gaping, but Hawkswing muttered to himself again, something that sounded very much like “Count ourselves lucky this wasn’t the di Varello’s room”. Lady Chiabre turned around, and called for her maid.

-Hey...Reno...
-What ?
-What’ve you got in ya pocket ?
-Nothing...
-What’s that lump then ?
-Shut up...

Lady Chiabre looked back at the wardrobe, with suddenly suspicious eyes. She heard them. Hawkswing sighed, getting ready. It was the only thing to do. It would probably alarm the entire palace, but hopefully he would be far away before anyone started to look for them.
As she peered into the wardrobe, Hawkswing sent an avalanch of clothes right on top of her, burying her in lingerie, vests and dresses. The pirates tumbled out of their hiding place and ran for the window. They didn’t bother going through the corridor for fear of meeting guards. They jumped, landed on top of each other, struggled to their feet and ran to the stables.

-Well at least ONE of us has had a good time ! Growled Hawkswing as they reached the mounts. What IS it Ferret ? What you looking at ?
-Euhm..well..you’ve got a woman’s underwear on your head !
-Whatever ! You got the bag Perposus ? Asked the captain as he furiously dropped the piece of clothing on the ground.
-Aye sir !

Hawkswing grabbed the bag, opened it and found...

-YUBO MEAT ?!!?
-Oh no.....
-What....is that growling ?
-*Gulp*
-RUUUUUUUUUUN ! ! ! ! !

THE END