ryzom_webpage wrote:When they arrived, they were greeted with a surprise on both days, as the importance of the occasions meant that in support of the Karavan both King Yrkanis of the Matis and Governor Still Wyler of the Tryker race appeared in person. The next day, the Kami conference saw the appearance of no less a person than the emperor of the Fyros, Dexton accompanied by Grand Sage Mabreka of the Zorai peoples. Loud and long did the assembled Homins cheer their leaders whilst marvelling at their unique attire and potent weapons.
After the officials finished their rousing speeches, it was time for the guild Leaders of Atys to have their say. Much lore was displayed and great wisdom shown as the majority of the guilds on both sides reluctantly decided the inevitability of the coming war and reiterated their support for either Kami or Karavan. A very few lone guilds opted to stay neutral and it will be interesting to follow their position in the coming days of strife.
Finally, the floor in both meetings was opened to allow the Homins of either persuasion to speak at the assembly that matched their allegiance and faith. With sadness and determination the main conclusion was that Hominkind should follow their leaders and Jena or Ma-duk into the coming struggle. All Atys is poised for war - what will happen now?
Valerie, please take a memo.
To the press departments, Yrkanis and Zora.
Noticed your joint press release today. Good work all. May need one or two minor adjustments, just in case anyone that reads it actually attended the events. Suggestions follow.
Loud and long did the assembled Homins cheer their leaders whilst marvelling at their unique attire and potent weapons.
Well put. Sounds almost like the cheers were audible and the calls "I want ur hat" weren't. Nicely avoided mentioning the streakers.
it was time for the guild Leaders of Atys to have their say.
Well done on avoiding the issue of only asking for speeches in support of the war. I thought they might rumble us on that one.
the majority of the guilds on both sides reluctantly decided the inevitability of the coming war
We might have to change this back to "were informed of the inevitability of". It could be stretching things too far to imply that the homins themselves think war is inevitable.
and reiterated their support
Nice touch. I was concerned you'd mention that the only speeches you asked for
had to have this as their content! I particularly like how the word "reiterated" implies that they already supported the war before and were now supporting it again.
A very few lone guilds opted to stay neutral
We can probably get away with this. Figures pulled from the chat logs imply a much more even split but if we add all the vaguely karavan and kami noises together we can always cook up some excuse for the word "few". Using "lone" was a nice touch - it must make all the many anti-war guilds feel like they are each the only one. Divide and conquer, an oldie but a goodie!
it will be interesting to follow their position in the coming days of strife
I like it. Veiled threat, feeling of hopelessness, flat statement that there are "coming days of strife". This was your best work in the whole press release and you managed to avoid the word "inevitable". Bravo!
With sadness and determination the main conclusion was that Hominkind should follow their leaders and Jena or Ma-duk into the coming struggle.
I liked the "sadness and determination" part - makes it sound good to both sets of readers. Nice the way that you avoided saying who made this conclusion, it almost comes across as though the homins made it!
All Atys is poised for war - what will happen now?
Good ending. Once again reiterating that the war is inevitable whatever they want. Particularly like the question mark to finish. Should let the weirdos not wanting a war carry on dreaming for a bit.
I can feel a pay rise possibility if we can just keep this up until the war kicks off and the quest for l3wt lets us take a well earned break!
S.T.
Department of "inevitable" War
Press Office
(just STFG "codec pack", f as friendly 