Ryzom

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

It's been a lovely day. Spring is slowly easing its way toward Summer, and the flower blooms have never smelled more wonderful. There's a seemingly larger family of yubos living north west of the Green Seed camp. I wasn't certain if this cycle's litters were larger than the last, but it seems that way in more than a few areas. Some of the larger predators are also roaming areas in which I was unaccustomed to seeing them. Normally the very large Kincher along the road to the Grove of Confusion hunts to the north west of the old fallen outpost. The other evening, I ran right between his legs quite a distance south of that ruin.

Nonetheless, the herbivores around Yrkanis are numerous this spring, and frolicking in the tall grasses and flowers with no worries. It's uplifting to watch.

The other day, I had trouble with my feet. A strange tingling that seemed to slow me down, and most certainly left me distracted. Then, early yesterday, every node I touched ruptured and contained some of the most toxic gases I've ever encountered. Needless to say, it was a very hard evening for a digger, and it is only by Jena's grace that I'm able to write this at all. Zyquo and I eventually went digging together. I finally have some wood nodes to carve into counter balance weights for my axes. As the designs become more elaborate, I've had to really pay more attention to my studies.

I rested in the Grove, under one of the great flowering trees last night, and earlier today Zyquo walked me back to Yrkanis. I took the opportunity to show him the way I skirt around and come to the Sap Slave encampment from the west, instead of approaching from the south. There are simply too many cuttler hiding in the fresh green foliage in spring and summer.

I need to visit Almati's Wood soon, to see if the Rangers are sending out their newest patrol to the Exodus path yet, or not. Perun will be going with them, and we are supposed to have dinner together before he goes. He'll be fine. He can survive. Still, I have a feeling I may never see him again. While some may not miss him, I will. More than I dare write, perhaps more than even I know. I wonder what it will mean to Emaelle.

I'll probably give myself a break on my axe designs, and focus on my skill with digging in the desert. Soon I will be able to dig for Kedino and Enon there, easily. And likely many other homins. At least I know my digging efforst will see use that way.

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

I've been thinking over the past seasons. I've been thinking what it means to be a homin in these new kingdoms, what it means to be a part of something so much larger than yourself. In all that thinking, and in spite of the wonderful and true family I have found here, I find myself homesick. Not for the life I had in Antanas, hidden away in my uncle's library. Not for that, not for the shame. I miss the way of life.

Everyone there is important. The small homin matters; one day they won't be so small, and the safety of the settlement may depend on their awareness.

Homins come from the safer settlements to the new kingdoms for different reasons. Many out of a sense of pride, some from a need for adventure - the reasons are as varied as the homins who have them. Why did I leave? I wanted something more. I wanted more from life than I had. It took that journey, and all my journeys since then to make me into who I am.

Yet - who am I? Jeziellia. Lady Etchmarc, but not really. It's a title given to me because of my devotion and loyalty to Enon, and to the House. Could it ever be anything more? Maybe, but sometimes I don't think so. Sometimes I wonder if it is what I would want. If it is what he would want. With the fluctuations in the kingdoms, it seems a paltry thing.

The day to day no longer sparkles with the hope and promises that Silan had when I first laid eyes on it.

Every homin has their moment in Jena's light, truly serving Her purpose. I've had that time. Perhaps twice now. What more can I possibly do here? What difference can I make alone?

No, not alone. I'm not alone. The House is with me, has always been with me. Enon has been by my side since the first time I managed to find two gas pockets in a node of Anete fiber on the island in Shining Lake. For as long as I have been myself, away from the settlement, House Etchmarc has been a part of me. That is what makes this so hard.

I am going to return to Antanas to see what differences I can make there. Or to Vesotia, to help Aeduir. He'll insist he doesn't need help, but I know better. He'll let me.

What will I tell the others? I don't know yet. There's no rush for me to leave, though I've been keeping more and more to myself over the few seasons or so. Time, I've even lost track of that. What will I tell Enon? What will he say? What does it mean for us? Kas? Jela? Kedino? All the others. And Mercellus, what will I tell him? So long together, almost of one mind, we both had trouble adjusting to being separated, and now I want to make the physical distance even greater, beyond the Exodus path. What about Zyquo? I'll likely see Perun on my way back across the path, now that he's working with the Rangers.

Fandragor, Bones, Xyrana, Leppen, Zyratuan, Beau and his lady, so many others that come to my mind. How many others are already gone? Suryi, Elavali, Ariste, Kae and Vae and Aiwe and Korial - the list goes on and on.

I am starting to doubt my own decision, but to what end? To continue to keep to myself, to show my face in Yrkanis from time to time, just to avoid the sorrow of parting?

To what end?

What am I going to tell Enon?

Jeziellia closed her journal and leaned forward until her forehead rested on its cover. Memories swirled through her mind - good times and bad. She squeezed her eyes shut and two tears splattered on the polished kincher shell cover.

((This journal has been expanded and is once again on-going. These 'old' entries are being transfered to a thread on http://www.etchmarc.org , and the updates will be there as well. Possibly here in the future. Just wanted to post and let people know, in case there was still interest! Hope everyone's enjoying Atys! If there are any comments/questions, please PM me here (instead of adding comments to this thread). I've enabled pm'ing and emailing. - Jeziellia (couldn't post on my original acct, as I was an unsubscribed heathen when the game closed)))