Ryzom

Fairhaven, Liberty Lakes of the Lakelands

I can never remember how to spell the proper name of the Lakelands. Aed-something Aqueous. I think.

It's not as chilly here as it is in the forest right now. Sometimes I like the smell of the water. It's everywhere. How long ago, I wonder, was all of this place under water? You can see the water marks on the cliff walls.

I went to sleep early last night, even the night before. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone. Quiet and alone. I tried to shake off this strange malaise by going out to fight najabs and other predators in the jungles. It worked for a little while, but it wasn't long before my sword was simply too heavy to hold. I feel almost physically weak, though I know I'm not truly.

I haven't taken any time to look through my father's logbooks. Calicci's logbooks. I don't think I want to know what is in them. In any case, it can't be important right now. I don't want to think about any of that, in fact.

I need to send a letter to Garmer. He should still be in Fairhaven. If I am going to get Mercellus to a safer place, somewhere he can revitalize before I set him free, then I need Mercellus to help me. I hope that his brother can help me. If not his brother, then perhaps I need to take a trip back to meet his family. I'm not entirely comfortable with any of this, but I am the only one who can do what must be done, at this stage.

Dryon, Dunes of Exile of the Burning Sands

Pride! Damnable pride! And damnable Garmer! Why must he be so hard headed about this? So demanding! I will do what he tells me? I think not!

And there's that damnable pride again.


What have you done, Jez? What have you done?

Jeziellia hung her head over her journal for many minutes. She sat so still, a crowd of arana gathered to snuffle at her. "Leave me!" her sudden outburst sent them scattering. She murmured again to herself as she closed the journal and put it back in its place at the bottom of her pack, "What have you done..."

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

It's Spring, going into Summer, and I've not written for some time, with the exception of a moment's frustration. My birthday came and went at the end of Autumn. Now we're into the third cycle of the year. So much has happened, but no progress has really been made in most things.

Maybe writing about this will help me make sense of it. Jena willing, I will soon be traveling to the jungles to meet a Zorai guru who may or may not be willing and able to help me with Mercellus. I'm a little worried at the stillness and depth of the Essence now. I try not to think about it, or to talk about it very much. It only makes me worry, and worry is not something he needs running around in there.

Thankfully, things have been largely peaceful. With one exception. Garmer, Mercellus's brother. I went to him, to ask for help, and how does he react? No, how did I expect him to react? I was hopeful he would be a little more willing to believe me. Instead, he's gone to tell the Karavan of what has happened. They know, I know they do. I pray he has not inadvertantly gotten himself mixed up in this, out of some stubborn desire to... to what? I really don't know. Can the Karavan force me to release Mercellus? I don't want to think about that either. Intervening so directly with a homin's will must certainly be against their tenants.

I've progressed with my studies of the desert's node flows. I'm able to refine the materials to quality 150 now. I should stop avoiding my studies in the forest. The mages awarded me the designation "Master of Pain", for my skill in shaping the elemental powers. I can't help but smirk a little at the idea. They can't understand that the pain I've had to master is not the kind dealt to other homins, but the pain that the pulling of sap causes to me. It's lessened somewhat. That, or I've grown more accustomed to it.

I spent a number of nights in the desert. One evening, while foraging in the Flaming Forest, I sat down to rest a moment and fell asleep leaning on a warm botha tree. Of course, I needed a good bath when I woke. I must've been quite a sight to behold - covered in soot and ash.

It's funny, in a not very amusing way, when I think about it. We met Dayee in the Roots when the House and a few others were out wreaking mischief against the predatory packs in the Lands of Umbra, and before she departed to see her teacher in regards to helping Drakfot - the poor Tryker is very ill, we were afraid she almost died last night - I asked her if I could meet her teacher. This is exactly what Garmer had wanted, what he told me I would do. I'm not beholden to him, that damnably stubborn, angry, obnoxious Tryker! How could Mercellus be related to him? I'm trying to help, to bring his brother back, and because I will not do, suddenly, what he tells me to do, he decides to speak to the Karavan. Stupid.

Ironically, that the Karavan disapprove may be an advantage in my favor, when it comes to Dayee's teacher.

I hope he's a Zorai, and not a Kami.

I met Alurach, a former Dragonblade it would seem. Of course, as most homins of late, I met him only for him to say goodbye. I tried to convince him otherwise, though I don't think anything I said helped. Really, more than anything I probably talked too much and should have simply been quiet. Perhaps he will learn soon that being alone is not the best way to find escape from one's thoughts.

Enon has been extraordinarily busy, lately. I hardly see him. This has, however, allowed me to work in the desert more than usual. I hope all is well. The time we do spend together, I'd rather not spend discussing the events of the world, or our mundane days. In fact, I prefer the way we do spend that time.

Jeziellia blushed and looked back to the tangle of blankets on Enon's bed. He'd been up and gone before she was ready to get out of bed, but not before he'd woken her up to say good morning. The blush burned warm on Jeziellia's cheeks as she remembered. She closed her journal, slipping it into her pack. She moved to the end of the bed, where her Matisian clothing was draped over a chest. It was time to get dressed and tend to her business with the merchants.

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

It's already autumn and I've neglected these pages terribly. Still, things are getting better every day, I feel.

A group of us traveled from Fairhaven and into the Jungles, to the furthest reaches near Kipee Mull and into the Old Lands. The village had no name, but Drakfot's healer lived there. The guru of a Zorai girl named Dayee. It was an interesting turn of events, truly, that lead much of House Etchmarc to get involved in this, and I wonder how much more the lives of the homins involved will entwine.

I spoke with Drakfot sometime in early summer. Back when Garmer decided to tell the Karavan of my transgression. Since then, a devotee of the Karavan has been seen asking the doorman at my apartment questions, but they left when they spotted Enon. Still, Drakfot gave me the name of Dayee. Not but a few short days later, a group of us were causing mischief in the Lands of Umbra; Zyratuan, Xyrana, Jelathnia, Kedino, Leppen and myself. We did, however, also meet an old Dragonblade named Alurach who joined us at least into the Lakelands. It is a shame we met only for him to part again. I hope he finds what he is seeking in his solitude.

I digress. We found Dayee, trying to make her way, alone, through the Trenches to reach the Lakelands. It turns out that Drakfot had not been keeping her promises to see the healer regularly, so Dayee had come to get her, or at least check on her. We escorted Dayee to Fairhaven and met with Drakfot there. Drakfot has not been well at all. For a moment, I was almost certain she was dead, or heading into True Death. She was coughing up blood, and fainted, stopped breathing. I don't like feeling helpless, but there seemed little any of us could do.

Dayee arranged to take Drakfot back to her teacher. Many of us agreed we would help make the trip, and so we did. I also asked Dayee if her teacher would see me, to perhaps help with Mercellus.

That, all in all, is why I spent the first part of autumn sleeping alone, in the desert sands.

Lao Te, the Zorai healer, wove a pillow of softer reeds and then stuffed it with flowers that smelled like fresh wild mektoub dung. I make the distinction because I find that the packer dung smells a bit worse; likely due to the lack of variety in their diet.

We left Drakfot in the village with Dayee and Lao Te. I hope she is doing better. I try not to show it, but I'm worried for her.

Lao Te suggested I sleep on the pillow he gave me and I did, though it smelled awful. The dry air of the desert helped, I admit. It may also have dried up the pillow sooner than should have happened. I slept on it for a few nights. I dreamt, though it was more real than a dream. I found Mercellus inside me, tired and weak, and I cradled him to me like a child and let him rest, and heal. I need to be careful now, until I can see the guru again. Perhaps it was the pillow; perhaps it was for all of my efforts.

I will travel back to Kipee mull soon, before autumn turns too cool. I will need help getting there, the way is not safe, and I cannot risk injury on the journey. I should start making preparations.

I ran into Marelli the other evening as well. That was very nice. When the Order split apart, Marelli just disappeared. Not the way Suryi, Elavali and some of the others have. I hope they are all right, wherever they are. Suryi is probably with Ariste, back home in the jungles. Elavali may have gone with the Samsara. Vae and Kae travelled off on their own… Miaoyen… So many homins coming and going... But Marelli, she gathered her materials and simply became uninvolved in anything to do with the split. I cannot honestly blame her. I might've done the same thing if circumstances were a little different for me.

We have a new potential member of the House, too. A young and rather stoic Tryker named Lethn. We shall see if the House becomes a home to him as it has to the rest of us. I hope so.

I've sent a letter to Emaelle on Silan. With her help, we may be able to help more homins newly arrived to the mainlands. It is difficult though, to help some of the young. Most think "help" equates to an obligation, it seems. I have had more than one young homin begin our conversations by saying they were not interested in joining a guild yet. Now I've had to make it clear, when I offer crystals and equipment that there is no obligation. The truth is, the House is much more selective, but that sounds terrible to say to someone. One never knows who the homin one speaks to may turn out to be.

For now, it's still one step at a time, trying to find any young homins I can help, remaining restful, and praying to Jena that things go well in regards to Mercellus.

House Etchmarc Hall, Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

I haven't wanted to write about this, because that suddenly makes it more true; Mercellus is gone. Truly gone.

Mercellus is gone, and there's something terribly wrong with Kas.

We traveled to Lao Te's village. The guru took us further into the wilderness. There was a Kami - I've never seen the Salamander Kami move. It crawls along on its belly, a very disturbing thing to see. I'm a little worried about Leppen, but he seems alright.

We found an old Kami portal of some kind. I've never seen anything like it. The Salamander Kami said the place was old and powerful, and from "Mother". I assume "Atys".

A golden light seemed to descend from the floating portal, enveloping us all. Kas had wished to stay away from it, but the place seemed too powerful. Or, perhaps because we were exploring... me... maybe my need, or my perceived need was too great. Kas has always protected me. He was there for me in the Silt Sculptor camp when I took Mercellus in. He was there when the others turned away in fear or disgust. He held me while I cried, and watched over me until I slept. If there was anyone I would trust to protect me from the things we were going to face, it would be Kas. Not just physically, but he's been such a positive influence on how I think - both of myself and the world around me. Without him, I think I would have lost hope and Enon entirely, long ago.

Now, he's unwell. He explained to me once, in brief, what it was to be Ojin, and now it seems that it is somewhat undone, or at least terribly disturbed.

Jelathnia lead us to a place called Kregash, where there was a camp of workers and a few Ojin. We left him in their care. I hope they can help him. I pray to Jena he will be himself again soon. Enon has been reserved about it, but I think I sense a certain trepidation in him. Light, but I think it's there. They were children together. Kregash means something to them, he said. Not pleasant, but not all pasts are. That doesn't make them less important. I cannot imagine what it would be like to share any past with someone so close to me, and to suddenly have them absent. Absent in a way.

Jena, watch over him. Bring him home to us well.

Either the power of the place, or my feeling of need projected through it, seemed to also pull Perun into things, when they seemed their worst. It's difficult to write about what happened, in that meditive state. I can't write about it. It was horrible. I will never forget Mercellus's pleading eyes and words; Can I leave now? Or that great beast strangling him, holding him in a mock cradling motion.

I'm so sorry, Mercellus. Please forgive me. Jena forgive me for the monster I became, wanting to keep him with me.

Perhaps later I will try to write more. I cannot now.

Etchmarc Hall, Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

I feel lost.

I'm sitting in Enon's office, listening to Kas shuffle around downstairs. Most of the time he's quiet. For hours, it's been silent, but now I can hear him moving.

There's little to write about, for now. Enon is attending business, I straightened up the Hall's storage, and handed out crystals to those who need them. I assume Enon continues to handle the trading. I practiced my axe crafting. The trainers acknowledged my skill and granted me official standing as an Expert Melee Heavy Weaponsmith in the Kingdom. Now I'll have to find a way to dig in the Grove more regularly. That is not a task I look forward to, if only for the travel time and dangers.

I went out to the Void earlier this evening. I needed to think. I needed to be tired, and I am. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. The slightest sound brings me awake. I chopped down cratcha for a while, around the Masters of the Goo settlement. Zyquo joined me; my almost constant companion of late. We traveled further north to cull the thicker growth near the portal into the Wastelands. He was upset at my standing in the active goo field, to chop down the infected plants, but what more could be done? The sting was almost a relief. It kept me focused on the task at hand, instead of my thoughts wandering back to Kas and that wall of gibbering faces. All his, none of them him.

My wrist still throbs where he grabbed it. There's a bruise where it was pinned to the chair. But it wasn't him. Kas is right, he's not safe. I asked what I could do, and he suggested being restrained, but can I really do that to him?

Physically, am I capable of restraining him, if he decides suddenly it is not what he wants? Or, if he's suddenly not himself? I'm certainly not weak, but Kas is stronger than I am. He's larger than I am. That may be to my advantage in some ways, but it is to his in many more. If Duty was its own force, what else has grown to have an almost-consciousness of its own? All homins contain darkness, even I do. What darkness does he hold? How strong is it now, when he has to fight against so many? I wonder if part of his fractured self will help him. Where is his sense of Order, Duty, Loyalty? He feels love; Love for Enon, Jela, and Kima. Where is it? Could such things lend him strength in this battle? Hope?

Homins hold darkness, but we also hold such a great potential for light and goodness.

He says he needs the ritual of Xia, but he is the only one who knows it. So much knowledge was lost when the swarming destroyed the old kingdoms. So much more lost as the homins who remember those times slowly age and go into the keeping of Jena.

It is silent downstairs again. I wonder if it is the slight noises that wake me, or the stark silence.

Zyquo has been asleep for many hours now; as, it seems, has the rest of Atys. I hope he is sleeping well. We visited the bathhouse, after fighting for so long in the cold Void. The hot water soothed away the chill in our flesh, and he combed out my hair for me. If not for all these worries, I think I could have fallen asleep in the soothing embrace of the water, my cheek resting on the warm lacquered tiles. He left and I sat for a while, resting on one of the benches. I thought of crawling into Enon's bed and just sleeping, but my mind kept going back to Kas.

My heavy armor is here, just in case. I stopped in Avendale, ordering two lengths of the their strongest rope. It will be rough, so I stopped in Natae. There, I made another order; I have some artisans weaving a hollow rope of sorts, of a softer fiber. I don't want to hurt Kas, so this should at least keep the rougher twisted fibers of the rope from cutting into his skin, to some degree.

They should be finished with relative speed - I paid a handsome amount of dapper for them.

I think I will go downstairs and sit at the top of the stairs. It is closer, in case there is trouble.

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

Last night was wonderful. I was out at the Sap Slave camp early, to get to work. I need materials to work on my axes, and I wasn't getting anywhere by not digging in the Grove of Confusion. It's a fairly long run, as the Karavan there will not offer a pact to me, being one of the unsworn. It's good exercise. And it keeps my trekking skills from getting too lax.

Bones was out wandering, and it seemed he and Enon have had prior contact. We linked together and continued digging - Enon helping him, him helping Enon, and I managed to wander off to dig up some materials for myself. Enon had business to attend after a while, and left me to keep company with Bones. At first I wasn't sure how I'd like it. I'm glad I stayed, however. He is such a wonderful homin. I careplanned for him the rest of the night. It's been a while since he's had anyone keep the nodes calm and alive while he gathered the materials from the flow. I was very glad to help.

We dodged Zatchel a few times, and Enon paid me two hundred and fifty thousand dapper, since I made it from beyond the Fork, all the way back to the Sap Slave camp on my own, without a scratch. I would have thought he'd know better. I'm fairly good at sneaking through areas by myself. It's when there are others around that I seem to attract kinchers from all over the four lands to wherever I happen to be standing!

Enon gave me the armor he'd ordered for me. Beautiful white Tryker armor. The heavier weight design, to replace the blue Fyros armor I've had for so long. I may keep my old suit. Valko made it. It's really the only thing I have left of him, now that he's gone.

I think I want to visit home.

I spoke with some facet of Kas the other evening. It was somewhat helpful. At least Kas remains strongest. The others should be alright if I go for a season. I'll speak to Enon.

Oh! And Chelan's nephew! ...I hope Chelan is alright.

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

It's nice to be home again. My visit to the old settlement was pleasant, of course. Calaith has been the only father I've known, and it wouldn't seem right to suddenly stop calling him that, despite the truth. Father let me stay in the house. Mireya and the others moved out when Nysia was ill. Nysia stays there still, when she's in the settlement. She's returned to whatever field explorations she was conducting. She seems largely unfettered by her previous experiences. I'm glad she's well.

Now there are rumors of some strange homins wandering the kingdoms, asking odd questions. Some of the rumors hint that these homins aren't homins at all, though none can say what else they may be. There was one sighted near Yrkanis, and in Pyr at least that went by the name of Shekry and mentioned "Melkiar". Of course, all of this is hearsay and rumor, so I'm not certain what to believe.

Lealah and Beau went out looking for them, and perhaps found this same one. I do hope they are more careful.

"Soon you will see the true strength of the Matis." Something about that makes me feel proud, and yet makes me shiver at the darker implications that it surely must carry.

Etchmarc Hall, Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

The rumors in the air are growing, spreading, and now I know they aren't simple rumors. There's a tension too, and I can feel it.

I met a Tryker girl out near the Sap Slaves encampment, in the Grove of Confusion. I had an idea, from a previous conversation with Enon, who she was, but I wasn't going to let on that I did. She asked questions about the King, and said someone had told her there was a secret 'tunnel' of some sort into Yrkanis, possibly into the Palace. An 'old friend' wanted to visit His Majesty. I hope his advisors and the guards are listening to these whispers.

Crailus and Bones joined me in my conversation with the Trykette, and Crailus was a little excitable, declaring her "one of those" people - meaning, of course, the strangers of which the Soothsayer warned us. At that mention, and a mention of Shekry, she became nervous. She excused herself, running off into the open field east of the encampment and disappearing rather quickly. Before her disappearance she mentioned something called an 'ash storm'. Unfortunatly, I wasn't able to find out what an ash storm is before she was gone.

I spent the rest of the night, except a short trip to Yrkanis to look around for the tunnel, in the Grove digging while Zyquo careplanned for me. Fandragor and a number of other Elders were out there and we all kept one another company. We even escorted a younger homin out there, to learn about digging. All in all, it was a very good night. Zyquo and I managed to gather nearly three thousand units of materials. The merchants in Yrkanis are not terribly pleased with my stocks, but they won't have to keep track of them very long. I just need some shell materials to chip into blades and I'll be able to practice my crafting techniques.

I'll do some digging for Zyquo soon. And for Enon. And some for Leppen. If I want to do any for Zyratuan, I need to catch up on my jungle digging... Never seems to be enough time to do the things I want to do, even if the only thing I want to do lately is dig.

Yrkanis, Majestic Garden of Verdant Heights

Sometimes, I don't know what I'm doing or what I want. This certainly isn't the life I imagined when I left the Antanas settlement to come to the new kingdoms. I can't say with clarity exactly what I had imagined, but I can say it wasn't this. What is 'this'?

Enon, for one. We live in the same world, but such different ones at the same time. I play at being the lady of a noble-born Matis, but how well do I fit the role? It used to be that I'd drop anything I was doing to spend time with him. Now? Now, it's not that easy of a choice. Am I becoming too focused on my ambitions? Is that really a fault, unlike what any homin would do, or has done? I'm not sure.

I always think back to Silan, though. Working in the jungles, ducking the kipesta, just he and I. He doesn't have the time, or doesn't find the enjoyment in digging that he once did. Or once seemed to. Gathering materials was a quick source of dapper for homins fresh to the camp, so now I wonder if he ever really did enjoy the actual digging, or simply my company - which is greatly changed from what it was.

Which brings me to the second; Zyquo. I've been spending a lot of time with him, and I wish very hard that the incident in Paramount Stock had never happened. If that had never happened, then maybe he could be a part of the House. Maybe it wouldn't feel so awkward when we are out digging together and Enon asks me to go hunting, but I decline in order to continue digging while I have a careplanner. Maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty for spending time with him. All my wishes can't undo the past, though. He seems happy where he is, and he has friends. I'm glad for that. Still...

Then there is Mercellus. It's strange to write, but he is alive. I still don't know how, or why, or what happened. When we went to the place and I released him, we were all certain he was dead, truly dead. I hadn't even had time to sit and mourn him, as worried as I was over Kas's state - he seems to be doing much better now, but I should inquire more deeply in that matter. I saw a young Tryker wandering around Yrkanis in little more than a worn pair of pants, looking lost. I usually approach young homins without guild badges, offering them help. Equipment, information, whatever they need. Something in his response rang familiar to me. But he was timid, easily spooked. With the rash of Tryker strangers wandering around and asking after the security in the city, of course there were a few homins who were attracted to the poor Tryker's presence, thinking he might be one of them.

I finally caught up with him, and he seemed to really recognize me then. We were on the hill where Mercellus gave me a hug, and we'd talked, before the accident. He wasn't sure what was real, what wasn't. Thank Jena, he seems to be recovering from the disorientation very well. I think there are things he doesn't clearly remember, and I have tried to tell him some of it, but it is difficult. There's an awkwardness, perhaps only on my part, with him being there, but being separate. I carried him inside of my mind, myself, for over a Jena year. I was just getting used to him being gone, and then suddenly there he is. I just wanted to hold him, to feel that he was real. For a little while, I did. But he moved away, as if he could feel that part of me that hurt him while he was in me, that part that wanted to hold him close and never let him go. What a destructive urge, no matter how much tenderness is intended.

Perun was there, too. I reached out to him when I realized it was Mercellus. I was in shock, and he deserved to know. Mercellus... we escorted him to the Ranger camp in Almati's Wood; Kas, Perun and I. Perun and I stayed the night with him, but Kas had some business to attend with the Black Circle. Given the studies on goo-infused weapons that happened under the eye of the Yrkanis scientists, I'm not surprised. Perun and I spoke for a while, as Mercellus drifted to sleep. The same topics, though I don't find myself half as agitated by them anymore. Of course, he still thinks Enon is wrong for me. The two of them are like opposite sides of some foreign coin. They will never see eye to eye, I'm afraid. It is just as well that Perun is joining the Rangers in their work and patrols. We slept comfortably. Mercellus woke many times during the night, suffering from nightmares. Nightmares of my making. I don't know how to make it up to him.

Yrkanis launched an attack on the base of the Marauders that were questioning, and threatening through implication, the security of the capital. There was an assassin - Akilia, or some similar name. I think she was the "ash storm" from some conversation I half overheard - that managed to make her way into Yrkanis, going after His Majesty, but she was stopped, thank Jena. All seems well for now. I'm afraid of the possibilities, however, that there are goo-infused items circulating somewhere on Atys.

For now, I'll watch out for those I love, whether they care for one another or not, and keep on doing what I need to do.

Leppen and Mercellus seem to be getting along well. I hope that continues. Leppen could use a more energetic friend, and Mercellus could simply use another friend. Someone alive, lively, without this strangeness that I carry.