Ryzom

Two giant kinchers are taking a walk through Yrkanis.

One turns to the other and says "Doesn't Yrkanis seem very quiet for a weekend?"

*Looks around at the bewildered audience*
*thinks....hmmm...maybe this comedy thing isn't for me*

*Lyrhis pokes head into bar*

Hi Everyone! I just saw two fools chasing each other through the streets, while screaming something bout "free drink for a joke at the bar", weren´t that Z and NB?

well if so, i don´t have a joke, but something i read at FH´s bar Restroom...

TBT(Tryker´s Bar Troubleshooting)

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, stingarum is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another one.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your Armor is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another stingarum and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest yubo. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a stingarum as compensation.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another stingarum.

SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to OP-battle in progress.
ACTION: Insert Sword down back of Vest.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being taken as slave by the damned matis.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent glowlamps across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, latch yourself to bar.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of dirt.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.

SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your apartment.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION: Check the time to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.


It was signed "C."... and befor u ask, no it isn´t writen on the wall of the ladiesrestroom...

how it came that i read it... *grin* thats another story, but i may tell it if i get enough firewine(like i did get enough stingarum)

sooooo who´s payin´ the drink now?

*walks into bar with no thought of where he's going*

I might as well make my time left on Atys the best. After all no telling when I'll be called on again. *sigh*

Ok there's one from a past life.

A young Fryos woman is at the local FairHaven bar drinking way to many glass of Stinga Rum and Lakeland Berry wine. But no one dare stop her because she was going to due something really sad for a Fryos.

"One more glass I need to kill this taste of blood." She laughed.

"Those were LakeLand berries I thank you." The Bar man said as she refilled her glass.

After a quick swig she starts laughing about some her clothes then stops and shouts "Kittin!"

She then jumpes from the bar and runs to the beach and faces a palm tree with a look of a mad man.

"Should we stop her she may hurt herself?" A Tryker asked as he watches the Fryos look for a weapon.

"Nah let's see what happens." The Bar man laughs.

"Ok you bloody Kit *hick* I will destory *hick* you with this ummm*hick* Tryker pike." She laughed.

"She's going to attack a palm tree with a stick!" The Bar man laughs then the whole bar breaks out laughing.

"Hear that those Tryker's want me to destory you and I will!" The Fryos laughed.

So she began to whack the tree with a stick, dodging, even parried the tree. After about ten minutes of whacking the tree the stick broke in two the she thought she had a sword and dagger. The fight went on for another ten minutes before she yelled "Victory!"

"Don't worry Trykers you are safe and *hick* and; she fell to the floor drunk. I need a umm...." She began to say but the bar man had already handed her an empty barrel.

"Here." He said trying to keep a straight face.

"Thank you." She began to say then started to.....

"Well I think you all know what happened next if not ask cause I'm not going to sicken any of you tho I would love to." I laughed.

Anyway that's really it she gave all of the LakeLand a laughed they haven't had in a long time and to make things worse she was welcomed back with any other Fryos and they could drink as much as they want." I finished.

"Now top that I dare ya." I laughed as I ordered a small glass of FireWine and Golden Sand Tea
//Windra

OK so this Zorai walks into matisian bar...

He eyes up the Matisian Barmaid and orders a big jug of firewine which he dispatches at speed.

Opon ordering his second jug he leans over to the pale faced lass and says

"What do you call a matisian girl with a feather in her pocket?"

The Piano music in the bar stops and all eyes focus on the big blue guy..

The Barmaid replies..

"I am a matisian girl and an Avatar of destrution.. The Girl By the pool table is matisian and is a Master Pikewoman, The Girl in the corner is matisian and is an Avatar of sorrow and that girl behind you is a matisian and is a mind lordess.... Now do you really want to tell this joke???"

the Wiley old Zorai pauses for a moment considering the sitution carefully before replying...

"No indeed you're right my dear, .. completley right.......

I wouldn't want to have to explain it 4 times now would I??"


*Bowls Zahan and Nightblade over on his way out the door*

*NB runs to the door, is tripped - mauled - and knocked over the head, but finally makes it*

jeez, my joke wasnt that bad! *grins* i guess if you make fun of one fancy digger, they all take you out!

lol ok i gotta couple here... (prepares to make a mad dash to the nearest exit)

So a Fyros and a Tryker were standing on the beach of avendale enjoying the sun and water, watching all the passer-bys. The Fyros turned to the tryker and asked, "say can you tell me why i see some tryker guys running around with thier elbows attached to thier sides and thier butts wagging behind?"

The Tryker paused a sec to consider this and replied, "Ah you must be refering to those trykers who spend too much time with the Matis or never got over our slavery... You know those matis guys, they like thier slave boys small and feminine."


ok ok heres a better one...

What do you call trykers who dress in big poofy dark armour and run around yelling "mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!!!" all the time?

Matis.



(runs straight for the door sees a shadow there and jumps thru the window..)

*fade in*

It´s a sunny, nice day somewhere in New Trykoth.
A lone Matis Warrior in supreme heavy Armor is riding along the beaches in search for Adventure. Then his Mektoub trips on something and he unmounts to look it up.
It´s an old lamp, half buried in the sand.
He pics it up and out of curiosity starts to clean it a bit with his sleve.
*wooooooosh*
Suddenly he´s standing in a strange cavern, filled with glowing light and a small Kami spirit right in front of him.
The little Creature looks up at him and speaks in a squeaky vioce:
"Welcome to my magic Lamp. As you´ve found it I am bound to grant you three wishes."
The Matis, pretty surprised by the turn of events, but not about to show it in front of a kami, replies:
"What could a Kami grant me, that I would wish for?"
The small being responds: "Anything, as it is my duty."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"Allright, then I want the best mount on the whole of Atys."
"Your wish shall be granted."
*wooooooosh*
And outside of the lamp, the Matis Mektoub turns into the most beautiful and strong mount ever seen on Atys.
"Fantastic! Now I wish my Armor wasn´t so heavy on me and it was the best armor there will ever be."
"Your wish will be granted."
*wooooooosh*
And suddenly the Matis stands naked before the small creature...
Enraged he bellowes: "Hey, you betrayed me, where´s my Armor!?"
The small Kami just shakes its head and patiently replyes:
"Your Armor is outside on your mount and it is the best Armor ever made. Now what is your final wish?"
"Oh, let me think about this for a time."
The Kami just nods.
A short time after this a shadow falls over the magical lamp from the outside.
*wooooooosh*
A huge Fyros Warrior in magnificent Armor appears right next to the Matis.
The Kami turns to him:
"Welcome to my magic Lamp. As you have found it I am bound to grant you three wishes."
The Fyros looks at the Kami, then at the naked Matis and exclaims:
"Praise be Ma`Duk! I just found the most magnificent mount, perfect Armor, a magical lamp, with three wishes and a naked Matis inside."
He casts a whicked grin at the Matis and continues:
"This must be the best day in my life." weighing his huge, burning Axe in his Hands.
The Matis panics and exclaimes:
"I wish I was home!!"
"Your wish will be granted."
*wooooooosh*
And the Matis vanishes.
"Now to your three wishes, brave Fyros."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"I wish that naked Matis was back here."
*wooooooosh*




*fades away grinning*

Loupito walked in and asked the bartender for a 15. Everyone looks at the short Tryker puzzled. Loupito blinks and with a smile says, "A Trykerett, a Fyrosian and a Matisian females went in a bar and asked a Zoraian bartender..."

Matisian: "I'll have a B and C."
Zorian: "What is a B and C?"
Matisian: "Atisian Bourbon and Cratcha Syrup"

Fyrosian: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Zorian: "What is a G and T?"
Fyrosian: "Shooki Gin and Tryker water"

Trykerett:"I'll have a 15."
Zorian: "Whats a 15?"
Trykerett:"7 and 7"

*sips tea*

Ok there's one that I heard when I was little, "How FireWine is made." *pulls out teleporter ticket*

Two Matis girls get hold of a bottle of FireWine and sneek off to take a sip and not be noticed. One takes a tiny sip then spitts it out and notices her firend is laughing at her.

"What's wrong?" The girl giggled.

"This is nasty it taste like sweat!" The other snapped.

"Cause it is don't you know how it's made?" The first laughed harder trying to keep a straight face.

"Ok you know the Pyr baths...well the sweat rooms have a special drain that leads to the bewyer. Any way they add Zorai Ale to the sweat to make it wine with some other herbs and spices. Then bla bla bla you know they brew it and what not and there you have it, Fire Wine." The Girl explained then fell over laughing.

"That is the biggest lie I have ever heard." The older girl snapped then walked off.

"Makes you wonder tho doesn't it. Hey I bet we could get a few drapper if we sell the bottle to the local bar come on." The girl laughed as caught up with her friend.

The end and I think I'm.....Bye." I laughed then teleported out.

//Windra

*dusts himself off a bit, checks his memory*

ok heres another one that shows us the differences between the various homins.:

So a group is walking in a wild out of the way place and come upon a new and strange plant.

A Matis looks at a new plant and says to himself, "hmm i wonder what i could twist and shape that plant to do for me..."

A Tryker looks at the same plant and thinks, "hmm i wonder how much that Matis would pay me for that..."

A Zoraii looks at the same plant and sits down to contemplate Maduk...

A Fyrosian looks at the plant, unzips his armour and urinates on it.

*grabs a drink from the bar before diving thru the window yet agin*